How to Find a Therapist

What is stopping you from getting a therapist? Getting help from a therapist has been taboo for many generations (especially in the Black community but that is a different post). Some people consider it inappropriate to share your personal issues with a stranger. While others believe they have to be overly depressed, anxious, or hearing voices to seek help. The truth is therapy really can be preventative if you let it. Along with the stigma comes the barriers to finding a therapist. I really believe that mental health care, and dare I say mental health care that is administered properly and effectively is for everyone. So I wanted to remove the barrier of knowing how to seek help. 

Follow these steps if you are using insurance. 

1. Check your coverage! Your employer may offer a few free visits using their Employee Assistance Program or EAP. If you do not have EAP then contact your insurance provider and verify that you have mental health coverage. Just because you have medical insurance does not automatically mean you have mental health benefits. Checking to determine your deductible, copay, and even coinsurance beforehand is to your benefit. If you have a deductible that you are not close to meeting you are no longer limited to providers who accept your insurance because you will have to pay out of pocket anyway. 

2. Get referrals from your insurance company. So you now have determined your benefits and you know what your copay is ask for a list of IN-NETWORK providers. Have them narrow the list down by location, gender, race, specialty, and whatever you are looking for. 

3. Look the person up. From the list provided by your insurance company go on a Google search and see if you can find a picture, profile, articles they have written, social media account, blog, whatever. In this day and time, you can find most clinicians online in some capacity. The purpose of this is you want to try and feel the vibe before you even reach out. Somewhere between 75 and 90% of the therapeutic outcomes are based on the therapeutic relationship. You all will not ever be best friends but you have to be able and willing to sit with them for 50minute a week and get real vulnerable.

4. Finally, let’s make contact. I would say pick your top three and make contact. The reasons for picking at least three are plenty but I will give you a few. Insurance information may be out of date. People stop practicing, or change locations and the directories insurance companies have are often SLOWLY updated. Sometimes clinicians move locations and their new location does not take the insurance even though they appear active in the system. Clinicians are also booked bd full. The world is literally on fire and with the stigma around mental health care decreasing more and more people are seeking help so the person you have your eye on just may be full.

If you are not using insurance and plan to pay out of pocket it will look a little different. A word-of-mouth referral is still good so check your social network. If there is no word-of-mouth referral then head down to Google and find someone. I recommend searching the following sites: Therapy for Black Girls, Psychology Today, Clinicians of Color. Do not be afraid to search social media as well. Look at the hashtags and see who you find. Once you have located your person refer to step three and see what information you can find about them online.

Some things to consider before starting:

Time is of the essence so start now. As I mentioned therapists are at max capacity. So do not wait until you are in crisis to start your search. If you are using insurance there may be some hurdles just stick with it. You will find someone you like who accepts your insurance you just have to be diligent and make the calls, send the emails, stay on top of it. I personally respond to emails much quicker than I do phone calls. 

Another thing to consider is how do you want to be seen? Is telehealth only an option for you? While initially, it can sound off-putting in this COVID world it is an option worth considering. I personally have seen my clients make great strides online. It is super convenient and there is no traffic lol. If you only want in person then be sure to specify that when you are reaching out.

Finally, ask yourself are you ready to do the work? It can take a while to find someone who is a good fit. But the same way you keep dating you have to be ready to keep looking for a therapist who is giving you what you need, holding you accountable, and helping you grow. It will not always be easy and you may not always leave floating on a cloud of insight but it is always worth it.

Drop down in the comments and tell me how you found your therapist! Let’s talk about how the process was for you.

4 Ways to Cope with Anxiety

Let’s be real for second please….you can read all the blogs on anxiety on the internet, but none of them will make a difference unless you first understand what you read and then act upon what you’ve read. I get it, mental health  is finally getting the shine it deserves and you want to be your best self so let me help you.

Briefly, anxiety is excessive stress and worry. In much smaller doses stress and worry is needed. It helps you stay out of dark alleys, prepare so you don't bomb in front of a crowd, but too much of it can keep you stuck. Anxiety typically manifests in three ways- thoughts, behaviors, and physically. 

Thoughts are those times when you are thinking about what you should have done, wished you had done, or even what you want to do, and for some what may come later. It shows in your behaviors when you seek constant validation from others, attempt to over prepare, or flat out avoid the thing in an effort to eliminate any  negative feelings. It occurs physically when your heart races suddenly for no reason, you feel keyed up so you fidget and are unable to be still, experience some muscle tension, or have that feeling in your stomach like you about to get in trouble with your mom.

So how do you deal because life is going to happen? Here are four ways to cope with anxiety:

Deep breathing- cliche I know but it works. Try breathing from your belly. Belly breathing is one of the quickest, most effective ways to calm yourself. It takes minimal effort and you can literally do it anywhere! Here’s how to belly-breathe. 

• Sit in a comfortable position, and relax your body. You can do this exercise with your eyes open or closed—just go with what you’re most comfortable with. 

• Try breathing naturally through your nostrils, slowly. 

• Work to breathe from your belly instead of your chest. Ideally, you should be able to feel your belly expand and contract slowly as you breathe if you place a hand on it.

• Concentrate on your breathing and notice as your mind calms down and the chaotic thoughts go away.

It may take a while to perfect but I would say try to practice daily so when you really need to do it you can.

Take an attitude of gratitude. So often we are so worried about what we don’t have and what seems to be going wrong. We actually lose sight of what we do have and what is working in our favor. We are concerned about bills and not thankful for shelter. One small thing to help with this is to change your language. Instead of I have to do this try saying I get to do this. Try starting your day with three things you are grateful for. This will help you set the tone for your day. The bonus is when you have a bad day or just seem to wake up anxious  (because it will happen) you have something to look back on and hopefully shift your mood.

Create a meditation practice and start to incorporate mindfulness into your day. Anxiety is typically about the past or the present. It presents as you over thinking what you did or what you want to do so critically you get worked up. Try to be present in the moment you may really like it here! I say start with 2 min a day and then you can go longer as you get better at it.

Use a journal.  Journaling is a great way to reduce the frequency of negative thoughts by getting them out of your mind and onto paper. Not only does this have an instantly calming effect, but this technique can also, over time, reduce these thoughts, and help you replace them with positive ones! I encourage you to adopt a journaling practice that is helpful and not intrusive. You do not want it to be just another thing you have to do because then you will start to dread using it. Journal in a way that is authentic to you. If you like prompts find some, if you want to free write do that. It is your tool, no one is taking it up for a grade!

While these techniques are not all inclusive with a little practice they have been proven to work. I also know sometimes it can be so much more difficult to manage alone. I will ALWAYS say SEEK HELP when you need it. Read more on managing mental health challenges and creating a more fulfilling life for yourself over at our blog.  

5 Ways to Combat Depression

In the last decade, the rates of depression have drastically accelerated. It is not surprising though. Just consider the dumpster fire that was 2020. A whole pandemic, continued murders of unarmed Black people, riots, masks, quarantine, and the attacks of the Karens. Are we really surprised? Some studies note one in five individuals in America is suffering from depression. 

Despite popular belief depression is a combination of symptoms and not just a person crying in bed all day. Depression is a pervasive condition that often drains out all the energy leaving behind a hopeless individual. Symptoms of depression include but are not limited to anger, irritability, sad mood, lack of interest in things, trouble sleeping, and disturbance in appetite. 

So what do we do about it? Taking the first step towards healing is usually the hardest, and there is no quick fix for one size fits all to avoid depression. However here are 5 things you can do to help combat depression.

1. Stop living in the past.- When you relive what you wish would have been different or live in a place of what you should have done it makes you sad and forces you to be overly critical of your next move. Try to focus on the present. It is usually ok in the present. Regrets only rob your mental peace.

2. Let the future be the future.- When you are overly concerned with the future it causes you stress. Listen, you cannot predict or change the future, have you been paying attention? Remember when the world closed in March 2020 and we thought the pandemic would be over in the summer because the heat would kill the virus? We have no control over the future. Again, focus on the present. It is ok here.

3. Celebrate what you are doing right.- The thing is when we are looking at the world from a lens of sadness and depression we only see faults. There is something you do right DAILY find it and celebrate it. Depression will cloud your judgement, don't let it.

4. Change your diet.- I know super cliche and I struggle with this one myself but research says there is a link with what we eat and how we feel. I suggest more fruits and vegetables. I don't expect you to do a whole overhaul but just add a smoothie and/or a green vegetable a day and see what happens.

5. Move your body.- Exercise releases endorphins, a hormone that helps in relieving stress and anxiety. Getting adequate physical activity, preferably adding it to the morning routine, can bring calmness for the rest of the day.

In my opinion nothing takes the place of seeking professional help but also understand there are barriers to treatment. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes. You have to decide you want to try to heal and feel better. Do not overwhelm yourself with this list. It is not exhaustive, it is just meant to get you started. 

Things to Consider Before You Start Therapy

Therapy is quickly becoming an “in thing” to do and I absolutely love it. When something hurts you go to the doctor, why not go sit and let your emotions get some professional help as well.  In my opinion, therapy is one of those things you don't really know you need or how useful it can be until you do it (minus any major life traumas). I personally believe everyone should do it at least once in their lifetime. I think there is a misconception that something has to be majorly wrong before you go and that simply is not true. Therapy can be preventative if you let it. As good as it is there are some things you need to consider first (in no particular order).

1. Do you have the time? Therapy is not an overnight fix. It takes time and work and guess who actually does the work… YOU. I like to remind my clients that my children broke my magic wand so they gotta be ready to work. This is not a situation where you come in one time and now the whole world makes sense. Even when a person is a solution-focused therapist you still need more than one session. So how much time can you commit?

2. Do you have the financial resources? I say this with love… You never question the mechanic, your hairstylist, and not even the nail technician, give us the same respect! If you do not have insurance can you commit to $100 a week? This is actually cheap; some of my colleagues are charging $150 per session.

3. Do you have the capacity to unpack? There will be sessions where it is hard. You will leave feeling like the bandaid was ripped off and there is no viable solution, just awareness. Are you in a place in your life where you can do that kind of mental gymnastics?

4. Are you ready to get emotionally naked? That's therapy. It is baring your truth no matter how ratched, ugly, and uncomfortable so you can gain insights and do the work to heal. Lying to your therapist does no one any good. It is actually a HUGE waste of time. You will think they are no good because you don't see any change and they are only working with what they are given. So are you ready to be honest?

This list is clearly not exhaustive but it is a great starting point of things you need to consider before going to therapy. I hope you go, the healed you I am sure is amazing. Even if you feel like nothing major happened in your life it is still good to go. The insight is invaluable.

For more check out my video below:

3 Myths About Depression

Depression is such a complex disorder. There are so many different things that can cause it. Some say it’s just a chemical imbalance and while that may be true there is also genetics, trauma, intergenerational coping (or lack thereof), finance factor, medical concerns, and don’t even get me started on grief. There are a plethora of factors and possible causes. 

I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about depression and it hit me, there is a lot of misinformation around about depression. I think a lot of that is because of what gets the most visibility. Don't get me wrong I like that mental health is being talked about. I just wish we could get out of our own way and accept that it may not always look like how we think it will look. 

So I decided to share these three myths about depression with you.

In order to be depressed, you have to be crying. There are people living and laughing and slowing feeling trapped inside. Other signs of depression include body aches, irritability, anger outburst, overworking.

Depression is a sign of weakness. I believe it is the exact opposite. It takes a lot of strength and will power to make it through each day feeling hopeless and trapped. It takes courage to show up in a world you don't even feel like is for you, or that you are a part of. Fighting through the sadness and other symptoms and showing up for others is nothing but strength.

You can outwork depression. For the small blues or occasional down days, this may help. However, for clinical depression this way of coping may only increase the depression. The idea that you can keep working and feel better is counterproductive because more often than not a little rest is needed. Did you know overworking is actually a sign of depression, especially in men?

I want to encourage you all to keep talking about depression just make sure you are informed. For more myths visit my youtube video, or watch below.