Embracing Uncomfortable Conversations: A Guide to Overcoming Conflict Avoidance

We will not always agree all of the time which can lead to conflict. Before we get too far ahead of ourselves let’s define conflict. According to Google conflict “is a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.” I would also add that conflict is not always combative and does not have to be seen as such a negative. Conflict is a natural part of life. It arises when people have different perspectives, opinions, and desires. Avoiding conflict may seem like an easy way out, but it can lead to larger problems in the long run. If conflicts are not addressed, they can fester and eventually explode, causing significant harm to relationships and organizations.

After spending years avoiding conflict it may seem hard to stop now. I want you to think about how much better your relationships, and partnerships could be if you had the hard conversation. I know it seems easier to let it ride but letting it ride only dishonors you. Besides people will not change if they do not recognize there is an issue. So how do we stop avoiding conflict?

Acknowledge the issue

Ignoring the issue will only make it worse. Say or write whatever it is that upset you. You cannot address what you will not acknowledge. For your own sake and before you have the conversation with the other party recognize your feelings and emotions, and try to understand the other person's perspective.

Communicate effectively

Effective communication is crucial in resolving conflicts. Speak clearly and respectfully, and listen to the other person's point of view. Avoid interrupting or dismissing their opinion. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, to help prevent the conversation from becoming confrontational. For example, instead of saying, "You're wrong," say "I disagree, and here's why."

Find common ground

Identify areas of agreement and build on those. This can help to establish a foundation of trust and understanding. Focus on the shared goals or objectives, and work together to find a mutually beneficial solution.

Seek mediation

If the conflict seems too difficult to resolve on your own, seek the help of a mediator. Mediation is a process where a neutral third party helps facilitate the conversation and find a solution that both parties can agree on. This can be particularly useful in situations where emotions are running high, and communication has broken down.

Learn to compromise

Compromise is an essential part of conflict resolution. It involves finding a solution that meets the needs of both parties to some extent. It may require some give and take, but the result is a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Practice conflict resolution skills

Conflict resolution skills can be learned and practiced. Attend workshops or seminars on conflict resolution, read books on the subject, or take an online course. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be with handling conflicts.

I understand how just ignoring the issue feels like the easier option but over time this erodes trust and builds resentment which ultimately rots away at the relationship as a whole. I always tell my clients not to trade short-term comfort for long-term discomfort. You will wake up one day so angry and not even understand why. That anger is not healthy for you or the person you are in a relationship with but will be the result of avoiding conflict.

Anxiety Unraveled: Tools for Taming the Mind

In the fast-paced world we live in, anxiety has become an all too familiar companion for many, myself included if I am being honest. The constant demands of life, coupled with uncertainties, can take a toll on our mental well-being. However, anxiety can be managed with the right tools. In this blog post, we will explore effective strategies for unraveling anxiety and reclaiming control over the mind.

Understanding Anxiety:

Before delving into the tools for managing anxiety, it's crucial to understand what anxiety is and how it manifests. Anxiety is a natural stress response, but when it becomes chronic and crippling, it can interfere with daily life. Common symptoms include excessive worry, restlessness, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating.

Now let me tell you how it shows up in real life…

Anxiety typically shows up in three main areas of your life that includes your thoughts, your body, and your behaviors. Anxiety in your thoughts looks like doubt, over-thinking, second-guessing, questioning, thinking about all the what-ifs, and self-doubt. Anxiety in behaviors includes double checking, planning conversations, and replies, seeking outside validation for every life decision, and re-doing things. Finally, your physical body is impacted by anxiety because your internal resources are being used. Your adrenaline is pumping as your body is in fight or flight mode and there is no release (because with true anxiety there is usually no real threat). This leaves you feeling fatigued, having headaches, appetite disturbance, and the overall feeling of restlessness. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward addressing anxiety.

Tools for Taming the Mind:

1. Mindfulness Meditation: This practice involves bringing attention to the present moment without judgment. By focusing on the breath or a specific point of concentration, individuals can train their minds to stay grounded. Regular mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce anxiety levels and promote a sense of calm.

2. Deep Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing exercises, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, can help regulate the autonomic nervous system and induce relaxation. Practice deep, slow breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. This simple yet effective technique can be done anywhere, providing instant relief during moments of heightened anxiety.

3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a therapeutic approach that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. By identifying and challenging irrational thoughts, individuals can reframe their perspectives and reduce anxiety. Learning to recognize and modify thought patterns is a valuable skill that empowers individuals to take control of their mental well-being.

4. Gratitude Journaling: Cultivating a mindset of gratitude can be a potent antidote to anxiety. Keeping a gratitude journal allows individuals to reflect on positive aspects of their lives, shifting the focus away from stressors. Regularly writing down things one is thankful for promotes a positive outlook and helps create a buffer against anxiety.

5. Regular Exercise: Physical activity has numerous benefits for mental health, including anxiety reduction. Exercise releases endorphins, the body's natural mood lifters, and provides an outlet for built-up tension. Whether it's a brisk walk, a workout at the gym, or yoga, incorporating regular exercise into one's routine can significantly contribute to taming anxiety.

6. Lifestyle Modifications: Certain lifestyle factors can exacerbate anxiety. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and limiting caffeine and alcohol intake are crucial for maintaining mental well-being. Ensuring a healthy lifestyle sets a foundation for managing anxiety effectively.

7. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): PMR is a relaxation technique that involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups. This practice helps release physical tension, promoting a sense of calmness. By systematically working through the body, individuals can become more attuned to physical sensations and learn to release tension at will.

8. Connect with Nature: Spending time in nature has a therapeutic effect on the mind. Whether walking in the park, hiking in the mountains, or simply sitting in a garden, connecting with nature can reduce stress and anxiety. The natural world's sights, sounds, and smells have a grounding and calming influence.

Anxiety may be a prevalent aspect of modern life, but it doesn't have to be a constant companion. By incorporating these tools into daily life, individuals can begin the journey of unraveling anxiety and reclaiming control over their minds. From mindfulness meditation to lifestyle modifications, each tool offers a unique approach to managing anxiety. Remember, the key is consistency. Building these tools into daily routines can lead to lasting changes in how the mind responds to stressors. Seek professional guidance if needed, and embark on the path to a calmer, more resilient mind.

4 Ways to Protect Your Mental Health While Dating

Starting a new relationship is exhilarating and nerve-wracking. The thrill of romance, spending time with the person you feel deeply for, is immensely satisfying. On the other hand, the foundation for this relationship is still in its formative stages. As you all are navigating relationship life, you must not forget about yourself in the process.

Prioritizing your mental health during this period is essential. The whirlwind of emotions can become a trap in a budding relationship if you cannot develop healthy ways to manage your thoughts and the relationship. Here are tips to guard your mental well-being while dating,

Manage Your Expectations

Every person you meet is not your life partner. You have to know that going in. The storybook love at first sight thing is RARE! Approach your dating rationally and to a point logically as well. It is easy to daydream and build castles in the air about your new relationship. I have done this too, and this is part of the problem. More often than not, we fall in love with the idea we have fabricated in our minds when that may not be the reality we are living in. Get to know the person first while keeping your options open. Make decisions beyond their perfect smile and the fantasy in your mind. 

Have Fun

Life is hard, if being with this person is easy enjoy it. Embrace the feeling of like/love - the butterflies in your stomach and warm fuzzy feelings. Stare, hold hands, and talk about nothing. When you are happy with someone your brain releases Oxytocin, the love hormone.

Avoid Personalizing Rejection

Rejection is a part of dating and a normal part of living. if you are not ready to accept that now may not be the time to date. You will not be perfect for everyone and everyone will not be perfect for you and I promise that is ok. Also, keep in mind I’m not saying rejection will be easy I am saying while it does suck it serves a purpose. It frees you from what does not belong to you so that there is more space for what is aligned with you to enter your life. Avoid personalizing rejection. Or creating a narrative that the rejection says something about you as a person when it means you were just not compatible. 

Remain Logical

Oxytocin regulates trust levels, empathy, positive communication, and bonding cues. Thus, your biases toward your love interest increase because of this hormone's influence. Oxytocin lasts for about six months before you can become rational about your interest. Avoid making permanent decisions during this period. You may make a mistake when you rush into things. Make sure you are staying grounded in reality. Take your new partner to meet you, friends. Let them interact with your love interest. They are not in love. Therefore, their perception may be more rational. Furthermore, avoid making decisions out of desperation. You have a lifetime to find love. Do not be in such a hurry that you take the scraps when waiting could get you the whole meal.

A few final things to remember while dating:

1. Remember to think do I like this person instead of focusing on if they like you.

2. Actions over words because people can and will say anything.

3. Do not enter the relationship based on potential. Enter the relationship based on the facts of the present.

Make good choices and protect your peace and mental health at all costs.

What About Your Friends... Importance of Adult Friendships and Your Mental Health

What about friends!!!! If you do not know that song we need to rethink our friendship. LOL, I am only kidding. I did use to love that song though.

I was thinking the other day- there is not enough talk about how your friends/ tribe/ community/ or whatever you decide to call them have such a critical role in your mental health. Friends play a significant role in sustaining mental health, which we need to discuss. It is quality over quantity because a toxic friendship can have the reverse effect on your mental health.

A social network has plenty of benefits, provided there are healthy bonds and genuine intentions. Developing strong, healthy connections requires work and, more importantly, time (which we as adults tend to not have a lot of). Nevertheless, the advantages are well worth the work. 

Here are some reasons you should foster healthy ties with people.

A Sense of Belonging

Feeling like you are a part of a group fulfills a crucial emotional need. It is significant for developing resilience in challenging situations and healthy emotional regulation. It gives you a reason to hold on to something or to work through the stress.

Research shows that a sense of belonging can diminish the severity of depressive symptoms and suicide risk. The study also indicates that the perception, not actual inclusion is beneficial. It reduces feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness because you feel like you belong. 

Social Support

Support from friends and loved ones is essential in creating, maintaining, and promoting health. Perceived and actual support help with coping, distress, adaptability, and endurance. Friends listen to you and think about it, often we just like to be heard. It is not that we need a solution just a place to vent and be validated in our concerns. A problem shared is already half-solved. They also acknowledge and validate your emotions, helping with introspection instead of internalization. 

A friend is a source of encouragement - they will speak the truth with grace (hopefully) and help point you in the right direction. They cheer you on when you make strides and hold you through the fears, skepticism, and fights. Knowing you can rely on them makes the burden a little less heavy. 

Accountability

Sometimes we need to be checked! Admit it, you can try just like I do. In those moments when we find ourselves going around the same mountain, we need friends who will call us out. A nice reminder that you still haven’t been to the gym made the appointment, or taken your son to the zoo goes a long way.

Positive friendships steer you toward positive coping mechanisms. A friend will encourage you to talk through your issues instead of bottling them in or avoiding them. They also keep you in check when your thoughts and feelings steer you toward self-destructive behavior. Even when you give in to despair, they are always there to reason out with you and help you challenge your negative thinking pattern. 

Friends Boost Your Self-Esteem 

A good friend is a cheerleader. Hearing an “ok sis… I see you girl” goes a long way. They strengthen your core, make you flaunt your strengths, and work on your weakness in a safe environment. They are not there to judge, scorn, or degrade. They uplift you and take pride in your association - this does wonder for your confidence. 

Friends Make You Happier

Hanging out with a loved one activates a part of the brain known as the reward pathway. The circuit releases feelings of pleasure, happiness, and peace. It also inhibits the stress response, otherwise known as anxiety.  Research shows that seeing a loved one is enough to release these feel-good chemicals in your brain. It also boosts the hormones that mediate over rest and sleep. 

Friendships Help You Thrive Financially

As the person who has been the “send me pictures because I cannot go friend”- I will admit seeing how my friends lived was a nice size motivator to do better. Financial stability is a significant stressor in today's world. It is among the leading causes of abuse in relationships because it leads to codependence. Trustworthy friendships tend to develop plans and strategies to enhance each other's success. Real friends buy your product or at least share it with others. They will edit your book for free so others will want to read it or sit in the front row as you perform even when it cuts into sleep time. In a circle of friends, even the least wealthy is doing better than a loner. Friends share ideas and opportunities. There is also a foundation of encouragement, kindness, and support when people in the fold try new ventures. 

Adult friends become your family. When people move far away it is their friends that celebrate the wins with them. Why do you think Friendsgiving is such a thing? So again I ask you “what about your friends!!!”

The Importance of Protecting Your Peace

“I am protecting my peace.” How many times have you heard or even said this lately? It seems peace is a hot topic (and I agree it should be) but what does it actually mean? For me, peace seems to be one of the things that mean something different for every person. I also think people have a one -dimensional ideal of peace when really peace involves your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. 

As individuals, we at times take the protection of our peace for granted. We tend to leave it until the last minute, not thinking it is essential, but in all honesty, your peace is the key to leading a healthy and goal-fulfilled lifestyle. 

Often, when the necessary steps are not taken to protect one’ s peace, there is a breakdown in self-value, and as a result, personal boundaries are not set, which filters into how you relate to yourself. 

Let’s spend some time discussing peace, how to protect it and why it is important. 

What does it mean to have Inner Peace? 

Having inner peace from a general perspective means assuming a state of calmness regardless of the varying factors that may seek to derail it. Peace is genuine happiness that is bound up in personal and deliberate effort instead of the approval of others.  When you are in a state of peace, you are content. Peace is that milestone that, even in the presence of difficulties, remains constant and always hopeful by finding the light in every situation. 

I think it is important to pause here and ask yourself for your own personal definition of peace. What does it mean to you? For me, it is the moments of stillness to breathe and be. Which with my job and family can be difficult to get to if I am not intentional.

The Importance of Finding and Focusing on Peace in Your Life

When you spend the time to focus on achieving peace in your life, you learn to build a more significant relationship with yourself and how you respond to things in your life. Some other great benefits of prioritizing peace in your life include: 

• Reduced stress levels

• The ability to become more compassionate

• Your response to negativity is different

• Improved quality of sleep

• Learn how to manage your emotions

Finding your Peace

But how do you get there? How are you able to decide what is your peace or how to even find it? Try some of the activities on the list below.

• Journaling

• Meditation

• Nature walks

• Deep Breathing

• Scheduling breaks

• Learning about yourself

• Let go of the past

• Love yourself

• Let go of being judgmental

How to Protect Your Peace 

Protecting your peace is important s that you can stay emotionally regulated and in a place where you feel like your best self. The following is a list of ways to make sure you are able to protect your peace.

• Make time for self-care

• Forgive quickly

• Practice being grateful

• Prioritize alone time

• Worry less

• Learn to accept the things you cant control

• Do what makes you happy

• Avoid uncomfortable situations

• Respect yourself and others

• Learn your triggers

• Believe more than you fear

• Harbor only positive thoughts

• Treat yourself kindly

There are so many things that happen in the world and in our lives that are outside of our control. How we take care of ourselves and how we prioritize our peace is well within our control. I encourage you to do something daily that puts you in a place of peace. How do you protect your peace?