5 Ways to Combat Depression

In the last decade, the rates of depression have drastically accelerated. It is not surprising though. Just consider the dumpster fire that was 2020. A whole pandemic, continued murders of unarmed Black people, riots, masks, quarantine, and the attacks of the Karens. Are we really surprised? Some studies note one in five individuals in America is suffering from depression. 

Despite popular belief depression is a combination of symptoms and not just a person crying in bed all day. Depression is a pervasive condition that often drains out all the energy leaving behind a hopeless individual. Symptoms of depression include but are not limited to anger, irritability, sad mood, lack of interest in things, trouble sleeping, and disturbance in appetite. 

So what do we do about it? Taking the first step towards healing is usually the hardest, and there is no quick fix for one size fits all to avoid depression. However here are 5 things you can do to help combat depression.

1. Stop living in the past.- When you relive what you wish would have been different or live in a place of what you should have done it makes you sad and forces you to be overly critical of your next move. Try to focus on the present. It is usually ok in the present. Regrets only rob your mental peace.

2. Let the future be the future.- When you are overly concerned with the future it causes you stress. Listen, you cannot predict or change the future, have you been paying attention? Remember when the world closed in March 2020 and we thought the pandemic would be over in the summer because the heat would kill the virus? We have no control over the future. Again, focus on the present. It is ok here.

3. Celebrate what you are doing right.- The thing is when we are looking at the world from a lens of sadness and depression we only see faults. There is something you do right DAILY find it and celebrate it. Depression will cloud your judgement, don't let it.

4. Change your diet.- I know super cliche and I struggle with this one myself but research says there is a link with what we eat and how we feel. I suggest more fruits and vegetables. I don't expect you to do a whole overhaul but just add a smoothie and/or a green vegetable a day and see what happens.

5. Move your body.- Exercise releases endorphins, a hormone that helps in relieving stress and anxiety. Getting adequate physical activity, preferably adding it to the morning routine, can bring calmness for the rest of the day.

In my opinion nothing takes the place of seeking professional help but also understand there are barriers to treatment. Remember nothing changes if nothing changes. You have to decide you want to try to heal and feel better. Do not overwhelm yourself with this list. It is not exhaustive, it is just meant to get you started. 

Things to Consider Before You Start Therapy

Therapy is quickly becoming an “in thing” to do and I absolutely love it. When something hurts you go to the doctor, why not go sit and let your emotions get some professional help as well.  In my opinion, therapy is one of those things you don't really know you need or how useful it can be until you do it (minus any major life traumas). I personally believe everyone should do it at least once in their lifetime. I think there is a misconception that something has to be majorly wrong before you go and that simply is not true. Therapy can be preventative if you let it. As good as it is there are some things you need to consider first (in no particular order).

1. Do you have the time? Therapy is not an overnight fix. It takes time and work and guess who actually does the work… YOU. I like to remind my clients that my children broke my magic wand so they gotta be ready to work. This is not a situation where you come in one time and now the whole world makes sense. Even when a person is a solution-focused therapist you still need more than one session. So how much time can you commit?

2. Do you have the financial resources? I say this with love… You never question the mechanic, your hairstylist, and not even the nail technician, give us the same respect! If you do not have insurance can you commit to $100 a week? This is actually cheap; some of my colleagues are charging $150 per session.

3. Do you have the capacity to unpack? There will be sessions where it is hard. You will leave feeling like the bandaid was ripped off and there is no viable solution, just awareness. Are you in a place in your life where you can do that kind of mental gymnastics?

4. Are you ready to get emotionally naked? That's therapy. It is baring your truth no matter how ratched, ugly, and uncomfortable so you can gain insights and do the work to heal. Lying to your therapist does no one any good. It is actually a HUGE waste of time. You will think they are no good because you don't see any change and they are only working with what they are given. So are you ready to be honest?

This list is clearly not exhaustive but it is a great starting point of things you need to consider before going to therapy. I hope you go, the healed you I am sure is amazing. Even if you feel like nothing major happened in your life it is still good to go. The insight is invaluable.

For more check out my video below:

3 Myths About Depression

Depression is such a complex disorder. There are so many different things that can cause it. Some say it’s just a chemical imbalance and while that may be true there is also genetics, trauma, intergenerational coping (or lack thereof), finance factor, medical concerns, and don’t even get me started on grief. There are a plethora of factors and possible causes. 

I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking about depression and it hit me, there is a lot of misinformation around about depression. I think a lot of that is because of what gets the most visibility. Don't get me wrong I like that mental health is being talked about. I just wish we could get out of our own way and accept that it may not always look like how we think it will look. 

So I decided to share these three myths about depression with you.

In order to be depressed, you have to be crying. There are people living and laughing and slowing feeling trapped inside. Other signs of depression include body aches, irritability, anger outburst, overworking.

Depression is a sign of weakness. I believe it is the exact opposite. It takes a lot of strength and will power to make it through each day feeling hopeless and trapped. It takes courage to show up in a world you don't even feel like is for you, or that you are a part of. Fighting through the sadness and other symptoms and showing up for others is nothing but strength.

You can outwork depression. For the small blues or occasional down days, this may help. However, for clinical depression this way of coping may only increase the depression. The idea that you can keep working and feel better is counterproductive because more often than not a little rest is needed. Did you know overworking is actually a sign of depression, especially in men?

I want to encourage you all to keep talking about depression just make sure you are informed. For more myths visit my youtube video, or watch below.

Tasha finally got it right: Seek help when you need it!

I was watching Power today (like the rest of the world) and was so touched by Tasha. While I don’t always agree with her she was my favorite this episode. I love how she acknowledged needing help. So many times, we (especially black women) are supposed to just shoulder shit and keep moving forward. To see Tasha be so open about needing help was EVERYTHING!!! She stated multiple times she was not ok and needed to talk. I was like yes way to be self-aware. What made her my favorite this episode is that not only did she recognize the need, but she did something about it without having to be referred or begged to seek help. She had a game plan to help with her healing and I love her for it. We must be proactive in all aspects of our lives. So, bravo Tasha.

What was also so realistic and heartbreaking to me was the person who should have been her number one cheerleader in getting help because they understood what she was dealing with was shutting her down at every turn. I have been there on multiple occasions. Once when I was 19 with a newborn and had no idea what postpartum was and kept being told I had to get over it because I had done this to myself. Another time was saying I wanted to be a therapist and being told by family my career choice was a joke. But let me get back to Power... James originally did not want to even consider the grief group. He said he wasn’t feeling it. I found myself feeling like I was back at work with my forensic clients asking them what’s not to feel? A safe place to say you are hurt (which clearly, he needed). Unfortunately, the way James was acting is nothing new. Saying “I’m not feeling that” or some other derivative is too common.

What also had me side eyeing James was the fact that he didn’t trust her to grieve and describe her feelings because they are different from the people in the group. Sure, the other people in the group probably were not drug dealing murders, who had an affair with the DA and missed what was happening to their son which lead to all this anyway, but a grieving parent is a grieving parent. After all the secrets (setting up Canaan, providing an alibi for killing Lobos, and whatever else) and shenanigans she has dealt with and handled like the proverbial “ride or die chick” why question her now? Why not give her what she needed? Like she said, she can discuss her feelings without discussing the other stuff.

While I baby clap him for being willing to go he was there again blocking Tasha from getting what she truly needed. Simply showing up to the group is not enough for some people. They need to be able to interact and share their feelings (the point of the group anyway). She felt led to share and he shut her down so smoothly. As he has done in their marriage multiple times (but that’s not even why I’m here). Him stopping her from sharing struck me on several layers and I will try to unpack a few…

On the surface you have a husband shutting down a wife who has said she needs help. When people reach out for help or admit to feeling vulnerable, not right, sad, or whatever listen to them. Shutting them down only ensures the next time they will not be sharing their feelings with you. Telling people to get over it, toughen up, or put their big girl panties on is not always the answer. In fact, if a person is actually feeling something I can almost guarantee it makes their stomach turn to hear their loved one say some insensitive shit like that, and they will think twice before opening up again. Why are we so quick to shut down a person who is expressing vulnerability?

On another layer, we have someone telling another person not to do the very thing they think will help them. Tasha felt lead to the group and simply on the strength that she thought it would help her it would have in some way. We have got to stop shutting people down from getting help their way. Which lead me to religion. The minute someone wants to cleanse their energy someone calls it witchcraft. The negative connotation associated with magic, ancient healing rituals, and being a witch is also not why I am here but needs to be mentioned. The second someone says Allah instead of God they become a terrorist. Everything doesn’t work for everyone. The reason some medicines work for some people and are like skittles to another person, the way some children need timeouts and others need a spanking (yes I said it) or removal of toys, its simple… WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT. It is perfectly ok to believe, practice, and grieve differently. We must allow people to choose their own path and then respect when their choice does not match our own.

While Tasha has a few more episodes left to deal with her demons, and her choices, you reading this do not have to wait. I wish I could say do this and the pain will go away, but it is not that simple. You must put the work in and be willing to expose yourself. Being self-aware is not for the faint of heart. When you really trying to change and really trying to heal, it has been my experience personally and professionally that it will hurt worse first. It’s like when you really cleaning up and organizing so you pull stuff out of hiding and it looks a hot mess before it looks clean. Be brave like Tasha and admit you need help, but also seek help. It’s not going to be easy the question is are you willing to stick it through?