love, marriage, taking care of husband La Toya Carter love, marriage, taking care of husband La Toya Carter

What About Hubby?? 6 Ways to Make Time for Him

I used to always think I would have more energy than I actually did. I would set these unrealistic expectations for myself. I had grand plans for after work (WHY lol). I would make a pretty to do list for after work including cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, working on my biz, cranking out a few blog posts, then talk to and have sex with my husband.

With all the love and support my husband gives me, not to mention dealing with me and my maybe high strung emotions he deserves to be at the top of the list. Even as I make this list hubby is last. Why? My mindset was off that’s why. I justified him being last to myself by saying things like “well i have to work”, “we can’t live in filth” “the kids need me he is grown.”

The reality was I ALWAYS tired. By the time both kids went to sleep I had NOTHING left. The times I did have anything left I poured it all into my business. Let me say that starting from the bottom is not as glamorous in real life as it is in a song. There are a lot of long nights. I started to notice my husband and I were falling into the friend zone. You know speaking in passing, sharing tasks, and cuddling for sleep only.

THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!

Since I believe in confronting situations head on I asked my husband how he felt and he was so sweet. He admitted he felt a little neglected (I’m sure this was an understatement) but acknowledged what I was trying to do and understood why I was so preoccupied so he did not think it was ok to complain. How sweet. The issue is I never want my husband to feel this way so things had to change.

I absolutely believe it is a wife’s job to care for her husband, and honestly I was failing. I had to really dig deep and figure some things out and it all started with me. I was so tired because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasnt drinking water like, I was eating crap loaded with grease and extra cheese, and not working out. So there was some internal work that had to be done. However in the meantime I did this:

  1. Brought my husband in on my dreams, asked for input explained what I was doing and why. I am so sure he is over my Regina obsession, and the countless workshops I have watched but once he understood why it was better. Also he felt more like a part of my dream and not like an outsider.

  2. I started flirting with my husband. That all day leading up to the big bang event at night type of flirting. I am not above sending a sext message or a naughty picture to my husband and I encourage you to do the same!

  3. We implemented mandatory date night every two weeks. Life happens and we can’t always get to a restaurant or movie, or event. So if date night has to be at home it still must happen. We have indoor picnics, movie nights, cocktails whatever at home but it is a date!

  4. I started planning more so there was more time. I planned for things as much as possible in advance so I could create more time.

  5. Hubby got my time before the business and sometimes before the kids. This created some late nights and early mornings but a happy husband is just like a happy wife.

  6. I stopped putting him last. I know it is super tempting to wait until the children go to sleep, but I swear my baby boy rarely sleeps, and no matter how many times I clean the living room baby boy dumps all the toys all over again. So in the middle of the mess I cuddle with hubby and we watch our love bump, and answer our big girls questions about...EVERYTHING LOL

It is not easy to manage the many hats I wear but wife is a hat I chose and I plan to never take it off. Most days things do not go as planned. However everyday I accomplish at least 5 of the 5 MUST do things on my list, and one of them is to spend time with my husband. I hope you do the same!

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La Toya Carter La Toya Carter

How is it Already a New Year and Welcome

Happy New Year!!!! OMG it  is 2016. Is it me or did we blink and 2015 was over!?!?! We are right in the beginning of the year when everyone is excited and believing in the possibilities that all their dreams will come true this year. Which I think is great, I even have some dreams of my own I am working on for the year.

 

I know I have some new people around the blog so let me formally introduce myself and help you navigate this space. I’m Toya, which I am sure you have gathered already. I have a growing relationship with God, 1 husband, 2 children, a Master’s in Counseling, and I love helping others. To learn more about me go here.

I created this space because I love all things love, marriage, growth, and balance. I think often we are beat with this idea of being a wife and mom and nothing more. While I love my family and I know exactly how blessed I am to have them. It is not enough for me. I was a whole person with dreams and goals before I ever became a mom or wife.

I honestly believe women can have it all. I know it wont be easy but it is so possible. So on this space I talk all things love, and marriage, and will be incorporating more post on how to balance it all. If you feel the same and need some help along the way visit this page and see if I may be able to help you in any way.

Things to look forward to this year:

I have been invited to be a guest trainer for the Phenomenal Leadership Course!  It will be 20 days to becoming a leader that transforms, inspires, develops, and creates exceptional teams. I know what you are thinking “Im not the boss at work” it doesn’t matter we all lead in different ways. So go here and sign up while you still can. I will be giving a training on self care on January 16, 2016 more details and links for my training to come later.

Also I am branching out and becoming a contributing blogger on The Social Wives Club. This does not mean I will not be posting here it just gives you somewhere else to go to read more of my words, and insights.

I plan to release my labor of love this spring. I have been writing a book for almost a year now and I am finally ready to take the next steps. I have some other things I am working on, and I will share those later. I am sharing because I want to be held accountable. If I know just one person is looking forward to what I have going on I will be forced to make it happen. Besides, it is my blog why not make a shameless plug of my future ventures.

I hope you all will stay tuned for what I have in store, as you are gearing up for your own big thing in 2016. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter all the extras that are not featured on the blog will be in the newsletter. If you need to contact me go here. I am on all things social @mrstoyacarter.

Blessings and Happy New Year.

Mrs. Toya Carter

 

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lifestyle, productivity La Toya Carter lifestyle, productivity La Toya Carter

Make Sunday Longer So Monday Is NOT

If you have read my post on making more time you know I believe in doing things the night before. If you do things in advance there is less rush when it is due. We are adults now so cramming for the test, or writing the term paper the night before is a thing of the past.

We all know what it takes to make our house run smoothly. We have created a system in our homes of who does what and when. If it is up tp you to get the baby dressed in the morning plan for that. Have the clothes ready and give yourself a 10-15 min window in case you get peed or puked on. It is not fun and I love sleep like the next person if not more but when I make Sundays longer my Mondays feel a whole lot better. Here is what I do on Sundays:

  1. Finish the deep cleaning- read here for cleaning schedule
  2. Prep meals for the week (ok I lie, hubby does this, perks to be married to a chef)
  3. Finish the laundry I started in Friday don’t judge me
  4. Pack my gym bag because if I miss Monday my week is shot
  5. Pick out clothes for me and the baby for the WEEK
  6. Make yet another to do list for the week

Doing these things make Sunday night a little longer, but it also prepares my mind for the week. I get out of lazy weekend mode back to work on the grind mode so on Monday I am not sluggish. Also Monday morning runs smoother because I  am prepared. My dad always says “prior planning prevents piss poor performance.” I did not get this way over night but I was tired of the Monday morning blues and decided something needed to be done.

Do you week prep on Sundays? What is your routine?

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productivity, lifestyle La Toya Carter productivity, lifestyle La Toya Carter

5 Ways to Make Time... When There is NO TIME!

The life of a wife and mom is… well busy (that is probably the understatement of the year).Reports are due, spreadsheets to create, not to mention the special project you volunteeredwork, soccer practice in the rain, doctor’s appointment for one or all of the children, dinner, lunches need to be packed, oh crap no clean socks, laundry to do, and I am sure I am forgetting something (of course I am).

The constant struggle of getting it all done. You know the hamster in the wheel feeling, it can’t only be me. If it is oh well it is not anymore! Like a ton if bricks I got sick and tired. Tired of always feeling late, like I was missing something, or just behind the curve in general. So here is how I made time when there was no time.

Wake up earlier.

There really is no way around it as the woman you are responsible for more than the other members of your house. Think about it when people come to visit and the place is messy who do they judge? When the babies fall down and get hurt who do they run to? Who does the school call first? Who does hubby look to when he needs to know what’s on his day, or where his tie is? It is all you wifey. In order to get a jump start on the madness sacrifice some sleep. Even if you get up and ONLY do stuff for yourself at least its done. Besides by the time the house wakes up you will be ready and not struggling to gather your thoughts and searching for coffee.  

Get organized.

Get a binder, calendar, agenda, pen and paper something! Do whatever works for you. You should not be simply running through life with no plan. I use this daily docket sheet. I know ish happens and things rarely go as planned but you still need one. Also get some organization in your home. If its morning you do not need to be looking in the refrigerator for clean socks (lol I was running late with no sleep). Know where your crap is so you don’t lose time looking for it.

Plan your time

The calendar or paper I told you to get write out a schedule. If you make a plan stick to it. Be selfish with your time because it is the one thing you can never get back. Dani, from Ok Dani talks about planned procrastination. I know it sounds odd but it really works. Look up and an hour or so has passed you do not have to feel guilty because you built it into your schedule. If you are on my email list, first thank you, but second you will be receiving a free printable of the daily to do sheet I use. If you are not on my list shame on you subscribe now, its on the side bar.

Do things at night

This has been a life saver for me. When the little ones go to bed, and if I am good while they are still awake I get ready for the next day. For example my 11 year old has soccer practice on Tuesday and Thursday and I also run/jog/ walk around the track. Now this means I need a diaper bag, and a gym bag along with everything else I already have. I could easily run in and try to pack it but that would simply put us more behind schedule so I pack it at night. This means I run home, grab the 11 year old both bags because they are packed and we are back out the door. Also laying out clothes, packing lunches and such all that is done at night so the morning runs smoother.

Give yourself a break

Listen, you are not the lady on Pinterest. The lady on Pinterest is not the lady on Pinterest. Stop comparing yourself to her. She is showing you her best stuff. You will have bad days. You will run late. The baby will puke on your clothes that you picked out the night before. It is ok to mess up sometimes you just dust yourself off and try again (*try again, again… in my AAliyah voice- if you don’t get that reference you may be to young… or old).

Do you use a planner? How do you manage your time?

 

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La Toya Carter La Toya Carter

2015 Mom's Guide to all Things Holiday- Traditions

Today I am doing something a little different. I am doing a blog hop!!! I am linking up with some fabulous bloggers to bring you the 2015 Mom’s Guide to all Things Holiday!

 

No this is not another gift guide, but some other ladies have done that if you are interested. I want to talk traditions. Now in real life I am not the most traditional. I mean I gave away alcohol shots as a gift at my baby shower lol. However now that I am married and have expanded my family I have been thinking a lot about my traditions and what I want my children to remember.

Holidays are about family time correct? Well my family is HUGE. So this means aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, play brothers, roommates, this year we even had coworkers. This means a lot of conversations, laughs, and of course some side eyes.  I have noticed how easy it is for me to get caught up in old stories, cousins that used to spend the night with me, or even talking to older people about marriage and my little family gets lost in the shuffle of the larger family. So this year I decided I wanted to take a minute for me and my family in the chaos.

During all the fun and commotion I gathered my troops, we went into and room and had a talk. Yes, it was awkward initially. My husband went into protector mode and was all “what’s wrong babe” my daughter thought it was time to go and she had a sad face but after I explained it was all good. We said a small prayer and just checked in. Then big sister took baby brother and left us alone for a minute.

It was maybe only 10 minutes total and it is a very small tradition I will be implementing for holiday gatherings but it kept us all connected amongst the larger group. It gave my husband and I a second to look into each others eyes and say I love you. I want my children to know and remember their parents love them and each other. I want them to know even amongst all the family mommy and daddy are here if they need a second to just breathe. It was my small way of many to model a good example of love for my babies because yes they are watching!

See I told you I am not the traditional type but I am all for creating the new normal for my family. What type of traditions do you have? How do you stay connected to your immediate family during the holidays?

Head over to Britney Dearest to see more of the link up.

Visit the other bloggers via the links below:

Monday: Gift Guide & Shopping Tips

Kat of Type 4 Naturals

Danielle of Mamademics

Teri of Mommy Wife Life

Tuesday: Holiday Family Activities & Traditions

Toya of Mrs. Toya Carter

Cynthia of Mrs. Wright Writes

Jennifer of  Baby Making Machine

Wednesday: Holiday DIY and/or Home Decor

Sheena of Sophistishe

Bee of Bee So Simple

Erin of Live Pretty on a Penny

Britney Britney Dearest

Thursday: Holiday Recipe

Shanna of Ms. Naturally Random

Arnitris of Blessed Be the Tie

La Dale of Johanna's Mama

Friday: Holiday Fashion

Tamara of Simply T Nicole

Diedre Anthony of Are Those Your Kids

Troy Cooke of Thriftanista in the City

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