You Have To Be Married To Understand

We are who we hang around... Birds of a feather flock together... You know all the clichés of life that parents use to monitor our friends and we now use on our own children. As much as this pains me to say this, our parents were right.

It is important you surround yourself with like-minded people. If you want to be a biz owner you probably need to get some biz owners friends or acquaintances who can give more personal insight than Madam Google. Same with marriage. If you plan to have a happy, healthy, long lasting marriage having same-minded married friends is important. There are certain aspects of your life as a married person your best single friend will simply not understand.

Speaking of understanding, you have to be married to know the joyous struggle that is married life. Only a married woman will understand how at 8:30am you were plotting your husband’s death along with a finely crafted alibi, then at 8:45am he is prince charming and better than your favorite cup of coffee in the morning. (did anyone else just think of Miguel’s song, no just me? Oh well)

Your married friends also know without asking (or being offended) you need a plus one. They do not invite you to lunch, dinner, or even to their house without the assumption your spouse is coming too. If it is girls/guys only it is specified in the invite. Married people understand we got married to be together. 

Finally they understand being married does not make you rich. I believe single people think once there is a second income things miraculously get better, well they don’t. The fabulous second income also comes with second obligations. So single people stop asking your married friends for money, and stop assuming if they don’t have extra to give you their spouseis low down, or on drugs.

As an honorable mention let me say it takes a married person to understand the disgust and irritation that comes with hearing “well what is your husband doing” andytime you feel stressed, run low on money, or have a bad day. Listen we are married so we are one but we also encounter other people and other things that may affect our mood and wallets. Every time a married person is sad it is NOT their spouses’ fault and we would appreciate if you all would stop asking. *climbs off my soap box*

Ok married people do you agree with this list? What would you add to the list? Single people have I helped you any?

What to Do When Your Family and Spouse Do NOT Get Along

Now we already know I am a believer of protecting your marriage, but what happens when your marriage needs to be protected from your family? When you decided to marry your spouse did you ask your parents or even siblings for permission? Did you see if they were compatible? I definitely did not and I am guessing you didn’t either. Hopefully you are one of the millions of people who have no issues with your spouse and family getting along but if you are not keep reading.

When your spouse and family do not get along it can literally keep you up at night and have you dreading family events like holidays and birthdays because you just never know what might happen. Then on the way home you have to listen to your spouse express concern over people you have known your whole life. Or you have to get an earful from your family about the person you love. It sucks to say the least.

The worst part is when either of them is right. You can’t verbally agree with your mom (or other nagging family member) that your husband should be doing more, and you can’t let your husband call your mom (or other family member) a psycho, who needs to mind her own dam business, even if they are both right. We often overlook the flaws of our family because we expect and accept their flaws. It is difficult for someone who has not been a part of the chaos forever to simply roll with the madness. It is also uncomfortable for your family because they are not head over in heels in love with your spouse. So what so you do? How do you manage the two? Well here are four tips to help you manage the crazy.

1. Demand they RESPECT one another. They may never get a long and talk on the phone but they both have a very unique position in your life, and the other one has to respect it.
2. Set boundaries. If mom (or other family member) cannot respect your spouse you can not continue to come around because it is creating chaos in your otherwise peaceful home. While in premarital counseling my pastor told us it was our job to protect our marriage and I believed him. You marriage is like a newborn baby fragile especially in the beginning you do not need others interfering with your baby. Just know once boundaries are set you have to stick with them.
3. NEVER vent to them about one another. You will forgive your mom and go back to laughing and talking like BFF and your spouse will not. You will forgive your spouse and they will again be the best ever and your family will be giving major side eye remembering what he did last week. This is not a good look for any people involved.
4. Give pep talks before interaction. Tell your mom you need the event to go off without any unnecessary drama, and you need her to trust you have your home handled. Tell your husband he is awesome and you love him to the moon so it does not matter what your family says because you said yes to him.

Listen, it is very hard to manage both but it can be done and some feelings may be hurt initially but you will find a groove. Remember you chose your spouse, you said yes to him/her. You live with them and you need peace in your home so everyone else has to respectfully fall in line.

How do you deal with your spouse and your parents/family? Or are you lucky and everyone gets along?

Protecting Your Marriage

I think we often just assume people know we are married and they should respect it. I agree but how often does this really happen? How many times has a man looked at your ring and still asked if you could have “friends”. Or my favorite “is you happy”? When did it become ok to hop skip and jump all in a married persons DM’s, inbox, or text messages?

It never is ok but it seems to be happening more and more. I blame the people in the marriage. Now before you get mad and click off my site let me explain. No one is responsible for your marriage except the two people in it. It was the two people in the marriage who made the vow to be in the marriage and honor it. We are unable to control others but we can control how we react to them, and the general vibe we put out there in the world.

Here are some ways to help you protect your marriage:

• Defend your spouse even when they are wrong in public- Now when you two get in the car tell them they are wrong to prevent the same thing from happening, but you should always look like a united front to the world.
• Set boundaries.- We live in a world where everyone has soooo much access to one another, hello social media. When we post pictures, tweets, and status updates people believe they know us. If someone crosses a line let them no and if they continue to do it cut them off. It is that easy. Know should ever think if they called you they could have you. This includes setting boundaries with your family!
• Keep certain things only between you two. Everyone does not need to know all the intimate workings of your marriage. I understand we all have that one married friend we vent to when needed but even she should not know everything.
• Be honest and upfront with your spouse about everything.- You never want your spouse to be the second person to hear the news. No one should ever be able to tell your spouse something about you they don’t already know.

There are so many other ways to protect your marriage but this post could get too long. How are some ways you protect your marriage?

6 Ways to Flirt With Your Husband

Think back to when you and your husband were dating, when it was fresh and new. Think about all the extra effort you put into your appearance. Remember the “special shower” if and when you knew it was about to be a long night. LOL It was fun back then. Now there are mortgages, babies, car pools, and bills. It kind of puts a damper on things, trust me I know.

What happened to the cute way you two used to flirt with one another? Those sweet little nothing texts that made you smile for the rest of the day. The endless flirting, what happened to all that. I know the answer, life, but marriage is apart of that life. You have to work on your marriage daily. So start small, and flirt with your husband. 

Don’t know how? Forgot because you been married so long? Well I put together a little list for you. Enjoy, and thank me later!!

6 ways to flirt with your husband

1. Leave him a note
2. Tell him how great he looks
3. Send a cute text
4. Tell him how happy you are you married him
5. Give him a sudden for no reason at all kiss
6. Stop him no questions asked and plant a big kiss on him, for no reason at all

Tell me how you flirt with your husband? What would you add to the list?

Hello, You Are Enough

We as women are so hard on each other and even more so on ourselves. We are constantly comparing ourselves to what we think the standard is. But who the hell set the standard? (I am 100% sure no one called me when the standard was set because I never would have agreed to working 5five days and resting two ijs) 

The standard in your house should be what YOU say it is. Now once you set the standard please stick to it, and do not be afraid to elevate it when needed. Complacency is NOT sexy. Just make sure it is realistic and attainable. Your life will never be like Beyonce’s because that life is already taken. This is not to say dont reach for greatness it is more to say be happy with what you have while working to do better.

Stop caring about what other women are doing in their homes, and make your home the best home for your life. There is nothing wrong with asking another mom how she gets her newborn to sleep, or even what type of cleaner she uses. The problem is when you envy her cleaning style, and how she parents.

So what the lady on Pinterest cooks dinner on days ending with y and you only cook on days starting with T. If it works for your family and your husband is not complaining keep it up. Throw in a Wednesday meal and see how happy hubby is.  Do not beat yourself up because you are living your life and managing your home differently than the next woman. 

Parenting is the same way. Similac vs breast milk, cloth diapers vs disposable there is an argument for everything. Does it really matter as long as your child is loved, fed, and dry? Huggies or Honest Company it doesn’t matter what it is we can seem to find something to argue about or condemn ourselves, and other women about. You have to do what works for you, and never let anyone make you feel less than.  Especially when you are giving it all you got every day.

My 11 year old got two weeks of breast milk and she reads at a 9th grade level. So my guess is she is very smart seeing as how she is only in 5th grade (her birthday is in December you do the math). 

There are exceptions to every rule. What works for me will not always work for you. Really that is what life is, finding your own way. If you feel like you are doing all you can, than you just might be. However we all know when we could be doing more. If that is you then just do more. It really is that simple. You are enough wifey.

Stay positive and focused lovely!