5 Ways to Make Time... When There is NO TIME!

The life of a wife and mom is… well busy (that is probably the understatement of the year).Reports are due, spreadsheets to create, not to mention the special project you volunteeredwork, soccer practice in the rain, doctor’s appointment for one or all of the children, dinner, lunches need to be packed, oh crap no clean socks, laundry to do, and I am sure I am forgetting something (of course I am).

The constant struggle of getting it all done. You know the hamster in the wheel feeling, it can’t only be me. If it is oh well it is not anymore! Like a ton if bricks I got sick and tired. Tired of always feeling late, like I was missing something, or just behind the curve in general. So here is how I made time when there was no time.

Wake up earlier.

There really is no way around it as the woman you are responsible for more than the other members of your house. Think about it when people come to visit and the place is messy who do they judge? When the babies fall down and get hurt who do they run to? Who does the school call first? Who does hubby look to when he needs to know what’s on his day, or where his tie is? It is all you wifey. In order to get a jump start on the madness sacrifice some sleep. Even if you get up and ONLY do stuff for yourself at least its done. Besides by the time the house wakes up you will be ready and not struggling to gather your thoughts and searching for coffee.  

Get organized.

Get a binder, calendar, agenda, pen and paper something! Do whatever works for you. You should not be simply running through life with no plan. I use this daily docket sheet. I know ish happens and things rarely go as planned but you still need one. Also get some organization in your home. If its morning you do not need to be looking in the refrigerator for clean socks (lol I was running late with no sleep). Know where your crap is so you don’t lose time looking for it.

Plan your time

The calendar or paper I told you to get write out a schedule. If you make a plan stick to it. Be selfish with your time because it is the one thing you can never get back. Dani, from Ok Dani talks about planned procrastination. I know it sounds odd but it really works. Look up and an hour or so has passed you do not have to feel guilty because you built it into your schedule. If you are on my email list, first thank you, but second you will be receiving a free printable of the daily to do sheet I use. If you are not on my list shame on you subscribe now, its on the side bar.

Do things at night

This has been a life saver for me. When the little ones go to bed, and if I am good while they are still awake I get ready for the next day. For example my 11 year old has soccer practice on Tuesday and Thursday and I also run/jog/ walk around the track. Now this means I need a diaper bag, and a gym bag along with everything else I already have. I could easily run in and try to pack it but that would simply put us more behind schedule so I pack it at night. This means I run home, grab the 11 year old both bags because they are packed and we are back out the door. Also laying out clothes, packing lunches and such all that is done at night so the morning runs smoother.

Give yourself a break

Listen, you are not the lady on Pinterest. The lady on Pinterest is not the lady on Pinterest. Stop comparing yourself to her. She is showing you her best stuff. You will have bad days. You will run late. The baby will puke on your clothes that you picked out the night before. It is ok to mess up sometimes you just dust yourself off and try again (*try again, again… in my AAliyah voice- if you don’t get that reference you may be to young… or old).

Do you use a planner? How do you manage your time?

 

2015 Mom's Guide to all Things Holiday- Traditions

Today I am doing something a little different. I am doing a blog hop!!! I am linking up with some fabulous bloggers to bring you the 2015 Mom’s Guide to all Things Holiday!

 

No this is not another gift guide, but some other ladies have done that if you are interested. I want to talk traditions. Now in real life I am not the most traditional. I mean I gave away alcohol shots as a gift at my baby shower lol. However now that I am married and have expanded my family I have been thinking a lot about my traditions and what I want my children to remember.

Holidays are about family time correct? Well my family is HUGE. So this means aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, play brothers, roommates, this year we even had coworkers. This means a lot of conversations, laughs, and of course some side eyes.  I have noticed how easy it is for me to get caught up in old stories, cousins that used to spend the night with me, or even talking to older people about marriage and my little family gets lost in the shuffle of the larger family. So this year I decided I wanted to take a minute for me and my family in the chaos.

During all the fun and commotion I gathered my troops, we went into and room and had a talk. Yes, it was awkward initially. My husband went into protector mode and was all “what’s wrong babe” my daughter thought it was time to go and she had a sad face but after I explained it was all good. We said a small prayer and just checked in. Then big sister took baby brother and left us alone for a minute.

It was maybe only 10 minutes total and it is a very small tradition I will be implementing for holiday gatherings but it kept us all connected amongst the larger group. It gave my husband and I a second to look into each others eyes and say I love you. I want my children to know and remember their parents love them and each other. I want them to know even amongst all the family mommy and daddy are here if they need a second to just breathe. It was my small way of many to model a good example of love for my babies because yes they are watching!

See I told you I am not the traditional type but I am all for creating the new normal for my family. What type of traditions do you have? How do you stay connected to your immediate family during the holidays?

Head over to Britney Dearest to see more of the link up.

Visit the other bloggers via the links below:

Monday: Gift Guide & Shopping Tips

Kat of Type 4 Naturals

Danielle of Mamademics

Teri of Mommy Wife Life

Tuesday: Holiday Family Activities & Traditions

Toya of Mrs. Toya Carter

Cynthia of Mrs. Wright Writes

Jennifer of  Baby Making Machine

Wednesday: Holiday DIY and/or Home Decor

Sheena of Sophistishe

Bee of Bee So Simple

Erin of Live Pretty on a Penny

Britney Britney Dearest

Thursday: Holiday Recipe

Shanna of Ms. Naturally Random

Arnitris of Blessed Be the Tie

La Dale of Johanna's Mama

Friday: Holiday Fashion

Tamara of Simply T Nicole

Diedre Anthony of Are Those Your Kids

Troy Cooke of Thriftanista in the City

You Have To Be Married To Understand

We are who we hang around... Birds of a feather flock together... You know all the clichés of life that parents use to monitor our friends and we now use on our own children. As much as this pains me to say this, our parents were right.

It is important you surround yourself with like-minded people. If you want to be a biz owner you probably need to get some biz owners friends or acquaintances who can give more personal insight than Madam Google. Same with marriage. If you plan to have a happy, healthy, long lasting marriage having same-minded married friends is important. There are certain aspects of your life as a married person your best single friend will simply not understand.

Speaking of understanding, you have to be married to know the joyous struggle that is married life. Only a married woman will understand how at 8:30am you were plotting your husband’s death along with a finely crafted alibi, then at 8:45am he is prince charming and better than your favorite cup of coffee in the morning. (did anyone else just think of Miguel’s song, no just me? Oh well)

Your married friends also know without asking (or being offended) you need a plus one. They do not invite you to lunch, dinner, or even to their house without the assumption your spouse is coming too. If it is girls/guys only it is specified in the invite. Married people understand we got married to be together. 

Finally they understand being married does not make you rich. I believe single people think once there is a second income things miraculously get better, well they don’t. The fabulous second income also comes with second obligations. So single people stop asking your married friends for money, and stop assuming if they don’t have extra to give you their spouseis low down, or on drugs.

As an honorable mention let me say it takes a married person to understand the disgust and irritation that comes with hearing “well what is your husband doing” andytime you feel stressed, run low on money, or have a bad day. Listen we are married so we are one but we also encounter other people and other things that may affect our mood and wallets. Every time a married person is sad it is NOT their spouses’ fault and we would appreciate if you all would stop asking. *climbs off my soap box*

Ok married people do you agree with this list? What would you add to the list? Single people have I helped you any?

What to Do When Your Family and Spouse Do NOT Get Along

Now we already know I am a believer of protecting your marriage, but what happens when your marriage needs to be protected from your family? When you decided to marry your spouse did you ask your parents or even siblings for permission? Did you see if they were compatible? I definitely did not and I am guessing you didn’t either. Hopefully you are one of the millions of people who have no issues with your spouse and family getting along but if you are not keep reading.

When your spouse and family do not get along it can literally keep you up at night and have you dreading family events like holidays and birthdays because you just never know what might happen. Then on the way home you have to listen to your spouse express concern over people you have known your whole life. Or you have to get an earful from your family about the person you love. It sucks to say the least.

The worst part is when either of them is right. You can’t verbally agree with your mom (or other nagging family member) that your husband should be doing more, and you can’t let your husband call your mom (or other family member) a psycho, who needs to mind her own dam business, even if they are both right. We often overlook the flaws of our family because we expect and accept their flaws. It is difficult for someone who has not been a part of the chaos forever to simply roll with the madness. It is also uncomfortable for your family because they are not head over in heels in love with your spouse. So what so you do? How do you manage the two? Well here are four tips to help you manage the crazy.

  1. Demand they RESPECT one another. They may never get a long and talk on the phone but they both have a very unique position in your life, and the other one has to respect it.
  2. Set boundaries. If mom (or other family member) cannot respect your spouse you can not continue to come around because it is creating chaos in your otherwise peaceful home. While in premarital counseling my pastor told us it was our job to protect our marriage and I believed him. You marriage is like a newborn baby fragile especially in the beginning you do not need others interfering with your baby. Just know once boundaries are set you have to stick with them.
  3. NEVER vent to them about one another. You will forgive your mom and go back to laughing and talking like BFF and your spouse will not. You will forgive your spouse and they will again be the best ever and your family will be giving major side eye remembering what he did last week. This is not a good look for any people involved.
  4. Give pep talks before interaction. Tell your mom you need the event to go off without any unnecessary drama, and you need her to trust you have your home handled. Tell your husband he is awesome and you love him to the moon so it does not matter what your family says because you said yes to him.

Listen, it is very hard to manage both but it can be done and some feelings may be hurt initially but you will find a groove. Remember you chose your spouse, you said yes to him/her. You live with them and you need peace in your home so everyone else has to respectfully fall in line.

How do you deal with your spouse and your parents/family? Or are you lucky and everyone gets along?

 

Protecting Your Marriage

I think we often just assume people know we are married and they should respect it. I agree but how often does this really happen? How many times has a man looked at your ring and still asked if you could have “friends”. Or my favorite “is you happy”? When did it become ok to hop skip and jump all in a married persons DM’s, inbox, or text messages?

It never is ok but it seems to be happening more and more. I blame the people in the marriage. Now before you get mad and click off my site let me explain. No one is responsible for your marriage except the two people in it. It was the two people in the marriage who made the vow to be in the marriage and honor it. We are unable to control others but we can control how we react to them, and the general vibe we put out there in the world.

Here are some ways to help you protect your marriage:

  • Defend your spouse even when they are wrong in public- Now when you two get in the car tell them they are wrong to prevent the same thing from happening, but you should always look like a united front to the world.
  • Set boundaries.- We live in a world where everyone has soooo much access to one another, hello social media. When we post pictures, tweets, and status updates people believe they know us. If someone crosses a line let them no and if they continue to do it cut them off. It is that easy. Know should ever think if they called you they could have you. This includes setting boundaries with your family!
  • Keep certain things only between you two. Everyone does not need to know all the intimate workings of your marriage. I understand we all have that one married friend we vent to when needed but even she should not know everything.
  • Be honest and upfront with your spouse about everything.- You never want your spouse to be the second person to hear the news. No one should ever be able to tell your spouse something about you they don’t already know.

There are so many other ways to protect your marriage but this post could get too long. How are some ways you protect your marriage?