4 Positions to Drive Him Wild

With it being love day and all I know everyone is thinking about the chocolate, wine, steaks and of course some good ole bedroom action, and I am no different. This post however is…

Every woman wants her man to be crazy over her. We want to feel like his life revolves around us, and would kiss the ground we walk on. Ladies, am I right? We want out man to smile at us proudly as we kill whatever goals we have set for ourselves, and simultaneously rip our clothes off like we are Halle Berry’s porn star twin in the bedroom.

This is the reason why #relationshipgoals is a trending hashtag on social media. Not a believer? Look it up and you will see an array of pictures. You will find pics displaying pride, lust, and everything in between. Girlfriends and wives everywhere are drooling over the way Jay Z holds Beyonce’s ankle. While cheering and leaving smiling emojis as we discovered that Tammy took back Wacka. Let us not forget the time Former President Barack Obama cupped his First Lady’s rear end *swoon*

The thing women are forgetting is we have to stimulate his MIND and his body. Sure you can be a gymnast in the bed, and even be the best he ever had, but if that is all you have the relationship will never make it out of the bedroom. How will he brag to his friends if his only memories with you are in the bedroom? Those stories will eventually get old. If he serious about you he will not want to talk about your bedroom behavior instead he will want to talk about your business venture, the time you graduated from college, your new promotion at work, or how loving you are with the children. He will want to talk about a woman who is bringing more to the table than her plate.

 As cliché, as it sounds a man, wants a LADY in the streets and a FREAK in the sheets. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and ask any man. It can be a lot but you are trying to get to those relationship goals right? So here are four positions that are sure to drive him wild in and out of the bedroom.

Ride him, cowgirl. This will allow you to take control while giving him a full view of you and allow his hands to roam free. Men love when the woman takes control so give him what he wants!

Doggie Style. In this position, he is able to go deeper, and move at his own pace. So for the times when he needs to dominate and feel like a king, this is a perfect position.

Standing tall. A woman who is confident, about her business, and takes care of her business is a turn on. If you are truly standing tall you will have no problem stimulating his mind, and showing him things he has never seen before. Remember confidence is the best thing a woman can wear.

On your knees. Instantly you thought about an oral transaction, and those are good too but there is nothing like a praying woman. A lady who knows where her strength comes from will be able to be her man’s backbone when he needs it. Whatever your faith is you have to have a source. God, Universe, Buddha whomever you have to get your strength from somewhere, and faith comes from prayer.

Use these positions and watch him fall in love with you all over again. He will notice the changes and suddenly you are the giggling girl with your man looking lovingly at you. Thank me later ladies, and happy love day.

Which position will you be trying tonight?

Don't be the Dead Battery in Your Relationship

I have really been working hard to make sure I am doing all the things I tell others to do. Part of that is sticking to my goal of cleaning the living room nightly. Something about heading out the door in the morning and passing the mess bothers me (it must just be me because the kids don't seem to be in any hurry to pick up after themselves).

Anyway, I was cleaning my living room for the hundredth time this particular day and I heard the familiar noise of a talking toy dying.  Unless you are a parent or have children's battery powered toys in your home you may not recognize the noise. When a toy is dying the voice is fake scary deep and it drags on like it is being chopped and screwed.

Before I get to the point I just want to ask why is it when a battery powered toy is dying the toy talks/makes noise when no one is playing with it. Like it is randomly calling out for help. How is this even happening? Ok back to the point.

As a parent, I can hear a dying toy a mile away. I immediately thought to myself “where are my batteries”.  I went to the battery bag (I am a parent, and there is a bag for everything) I only found one in the size I needed. Since children have some sort of innate alarm that goes off when you are moving or otherwise bothering the toy they have not looked at in months my son comes running in the room. Of course, since I am holding his toy it is now the best things ever and he wants it. As I looked into my son’s beautiful brown eyes I knew what I had to do.

I only changed one of the batteries. I knew when I put the good battery in the toy with the dying battery it wouldn’t last. I really only wanted it to last until he lost interest again, or until I could get to the store for more batteries. No, I couldn't go right then I was cleaning remember. The day went on and I eventually forgot and like clockwork two days later there is the toy sounding like a bad remix again. I knew when I forced the good battery to do all the work the toy would not last.

Now, why would I tell you this story? To set the stage for what is next because the whole post couldn't be about batteries right? As a relationship expert, I see the world and most activities in relationships. Simple things like the battery incident made me think of my clients and some of the relationship issues they are experiencing.

They are having these issues because one if not both of them is the dead battery. In a relationship, you need two whole, happy, healthy people for it to work.  If not the relationship is doomed. Sorry, I aint sorry. If one person is the dying battery the other person ends up doing all the work, and eventually they become drained or sick. Now you have two “dead” people in a dysfunctional “relationship”. Life is hard enough and we all have our issues. The stress of carrying our load, and adding a second load with no help is just too much work.`

What is a “dead” battery in terms of relationships? It is a person who is not pulling their weight for whatever reason. This person has not addressed their own issues, whatever the issues may be. This can be financially, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. To be clear I am not saying a person on a journey is “dead”, as being on the journey indicates life. We all have to grow, and we should allow our loved ones the space to do the same.

I am talking about the people who are deep in their issue and not looking for a way out. For example, a person who may have had a bad relationship in the past and is not making any effort to heal and are also bringing their old baggage into their relationship would be considered a “dead” person.

Think about your last relationship, why did it end? Were one of you giving your all and the other not so much? Who was the dead battery in that relationship, if there was one? Who was not carrying their weight? Who was not growing in the relationship?

Life is about change and growth. When you refuse to grow you die. Do you want your 10-year-old acting as a 5-year-old? Hopefully, the answer is no. You want them to grow, learn and expand their thinking. The same applies to you. When I told you the story of the dying toy it was easy to identify the issue. The dead battery drained the new battery. Why is so hard for people to look at their lives with the same simplicity? If you are not in a good space mentally how do you expect to sustain a relationship? Grow, learn and do not attach yourself to dead batteries. Most importantly don't be the dead battery.

Have you ever had to end a relationship because it was too draining?

Change your perception and change your life... PLUS 36 things to do during football season

No matter how hard I tried to avoid this, it seems I was destined to enjoy football. My brother who is eight years older than me FORCED me to watch the movie The Program (starring Omar Epps, and Halle Berry EVERY SINGLE DAY for a year). Then when he was in high school, and college I was forced to attend his games weekly, under the guise of support, although I did enjoy the cheerleaders.

Then I found myself knocked up at age 19 and alone. It was sad, but that is not the point. The point is I spent a large amount of time with my father. I will give you a minute to google “daddy’s girl” and find my picture. I kid, no really. Anyway spending all this time with my father meant watching football.  He is a football FANATIC!!! He watches the draft like I watch How to Get Away with Murder. I mean he knows stats, where people went to college, and in some cases he knows a little about their upbringing. So instead of being even more miserable watching a sport I did not necessarily like or understand, I started asking questions. I begin to learn what the hand signals meant, and why they had so many chances to make a touch down. I started learning player’s name and my love of football and the Steeler Nation began.

Fast forward to the present and depending on who is playing I am happier than my husband to hear “I been waiting all day for Sunday night.” I know everyone will not share my sentiment. Some women refuse to even give the game a try. I don’t understand that because the eye candy is great, oh and part of being in a relationship is taking interest in his interest but I digress. Here we are half way almost done with preseason with 17 more weeks of regular season, playoffs, and then Super Bowl and women are saying good bye to their husbands and they are sad about it.

They need to be jumping for joy. How could they not realize all the free time they have in store during this football season. A lot of life’s issues are all about mindset. We trick ourselves into thinking we are not good enough so we never go after our dreams. We are mad when we don’t get a promotion, but the person who got the promotion is miserable and wants to quit. We struggle with seeing the blessings that surround us.

We look at rejection as a bad thing, when it is really protection. When you are stuck in traffic you are not in the fatal accident ahead. When the guy breaks your heart, you are that much closer to your prince charming. When the car lot tells you no, then the car is recalled, or you lose your job and would not have been able to pay for it anyway. The rejection was really protection. We have to start training our minds to see the good even when the situation seems extra bleak. There is a lesson in everything IF you have the right mindset.

So stop dreading football season and embrace it. I personally recommend attempting to like the game because it really is fun. Still, if hubby is like most men and cannot function when the game is on, you are going to have to occupy your time. In case you need some help with what to do with your time I have created a bucket list for you. A list of 36 things for you to do during football season.

So do you watch the game, or are you totally against it?

4 Things you may be doing that Kills Trust in Your Marriage

What is trust? People say all the time without trust there is no relationship, and I tend to agree. Or they say you have to trust your spouse with your heart, home, finances, body, children, everything, and again I agree, but what is trust? I often feel like it is one of those things we talk about, know it when we feel it, but can’t quite put it in words. It is like an understanding between two people.

But what is it really?  Is it the ability to allow your husband to go on a guy’s trip and you not flip out and call him every five minutes, or maybe it means you know when bill time comes around you are good? Or does trust mean he can now leave his phone in the room and you no longer do an army low crawl to search it and put it back in the exact same place? I think it is all of these things and more.

As I pondered the idea of trust I of course went to Madam Google who led me to Sir Merriam-Webster and I found the following “simple” definition: 

• Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc
• Assured reliance on character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
  • One in which confidence is placed

There were other definitions related to money and banks but that is totally off topic.

Trust, is like security in a relationship. I don’t want to have to wonder about any aspect of my relationship EVER. I want to know whatever our arrangement is that is what it is! If money is tight I shouldn’t come home to a red envelop I need to know before it gets that far.  I need to feel confident when you are out I am your queen and I have nothing to worry about. There will always be someone thinner, thicker, taller, longer hair whatever, but I want to be able to TRUST what we have is bigger and better than what other women may be offering.

Trust is not always about side chicks, although that is where our minds tend to go first. It is about me knowing I can count on you. I need to know in a clutch you got me. When you are in a relationship the other person needs to trust you will do your part, and do what you said you would do. Whether that is pay the bills, pick up the kids. When there is trust in a relationship you are able to let your guard down. You can be emotionally and physically nude. You are able to openly communicate and share who you are.

Think about it this way; when your husband leaves do you immediately think OMG he is cheating, or are you like me and think hey babe have a good time and don’t forget the milk. Trust is an asset like money. You work for your check, and you have to work at making sure your spouse trusts you. This happens over time when you show yourself as reliable and honest.

But what if you were ruining the trust in your relationship and didn’t even know it. What if little mistakes are chipping away at the trust? Here are 4 things you could be doing that will over time kill the trust in your relationship.

1. Not communicating. When you are not talking (and listening) to your spouse you leave room for error and assumptions. Communication keeps down so much confusion. No one can tell you anything about your relationship or spouse if the two of you are in constant communication.
2. That dam phone. We are all addicted to our phones. You are probably reading this from your phone now. The issue is how you are with your phone. If you guard your phone with your life, scared to leave it in the same room with your mate, and change your body to shield the screen you look suspect. Sure the sun may have been in your eye and you need to adjust your body but it still looks fraud.
3. No sex in the champagne room. I don’t care who you are sex is mandatory in a relationship. So unless someone has cancer or some other serious illness you need to be having sex with your mate. Everyone no matter what they tell you assumes if you are not sleeping with them, you are getting it from somewhere else. Sure you may be tired but you still have to put it down.
4. Not following through. If you say you will do something, do it. Whatever THAT is, pay a bill, pick up the kids, call their mom, whatever you told them you would do, get your Nike on and JUST DO IT.

Trust happens over time. You have to build a track record of showing up, and being a person of your word. Still years of trust can be demolished in a millisecond so we have to be careful without words and actions. What are you doing today to build trust in your marriage?

3 Ways to Feel Sexy No Matter What

When it is time to “get sexy” most people think of the normal lingerie and heels. I think sexy starts with a mindset. You can be a size 0 and if you are not happy with this no pair of heels or thong will make this better. On the flip side you can be a 20 and if you are confident you can rock a teddy with some heels with no worries.

Sometimes when we look in the mirror we are just unhappy with what we see. Maybe we have had children, gone through a depression, or just never put our health and bodies on the priority list. This shouldn’t and doesn’t mean we are not sexy. Sure we may not look like the women on the magazine covers, but neither do they without their glam and photo editing teams.

You are not the only person who feels some type of way about their size, in fact most people do. Skinny people want to be “thick” and thicker people want to be small. This is the reason the health/ fitness/ nutrition business is a billion-dollar business. I mean really, who has not heard of Jenny Craig, CleanEats 2 U, Weight watchers, and Beachbody. How many weight loss shows are there now? We have all cried and watched Biggest Loser for one season or another. I liked Shaun T’s show as it had a nutrition element to it, and I am currently hooked on Fit to Fat to Fit. There are also meal plans, pills, and protein shakes for people trying to gain weight. Most people want to change their bodies in one way or another.

This is why I believe sexy starts with your mind first.  Sexy, for me, has less to do with appearance and more to do with an attitude. Do you remember Ticorra from America’s Next Time model? She was in a room full of skinny chicks on a model show. The world we live in says skinny equals beautiful and honestly I only remember her from her season. She had such swag, and extreme confidence that made her stand out, and be sexy. Her presence and aurora made you want to look at her.

Are you going to wait until you can wear a medium shirt to decide you are sexy? It usually does not work like that. When people lose weight they still struggle with their body image. They continue to buy large shirts when they can now fit a small. No matter your size confidence and the color black will go a long way. You have to know you are more than the number on the scale or the roll you are trying desperately to hide with your bra. Tell yourself you are sexy until you believe it.

Long term, if you are unhappy with your weight or size only you can change this. You have control of how often you move and what you place in your mouth. Changing your body will include exercise and proper eating, the end. I could go on and on about this but that is not why you came to my page, so I will not bore you with those details. If you need help with nutrition go here.

In the meantime, here are a few things you can do to help you feel sexy now:

Know and trust the person you are with is with you. Meaning they genuinely love you no matter your size. Sure everyone has a type but eventually love replaces the proverbial type. There is a plethora of happily married couples who will tell you they didn’t marry their type. This does not mean let yourself go, and we all know when we have tipped the scale, or pants size too far you don’t need your spouse to tell you that.

Accentuate the positive. If your man likes your boobs, get something that has the girls sitting up as if they are on a platter ready to be served, and maybe flows out around your mid-section. If your husband is like mine and is more into big derrieres dress accordingly. Every woman has something great about her body it is just drawing the attention to that feature. If it is your legs wear some killer heels that make them look even better.

Pre game before the main event. Don’t know how to pregame? Well remember before an event, party, or outing, you and your friends would meet at the designated friend’s house for drinks and fun prior to the main event, that is the pre -game. Now this will look different for everyone so do what makes you feel good.

 For me it is shaving, showering, and of course sipping. I primp, dance, and do things that make me feel better about me. How do you feel when your legs are freshly shaven and you put your favorite oil on them? For me it is an immediate self-esteem boost, and it makes me feel super feminine. I sip some wine Hennessey on ice and listen to music.

Music is key for me here. The right song can get me in the right mood. So play your theme song. I have a few… Chris Brown- Back to sleep, Urban Mystic- Best Part of my Day, Ro James- Permission, oh and Beyonce- Rocket (this song starts with “let me put this ass on you” how could you not feel sexy). Need more music inspiration, check out my love making play list here. The wine Hennessey,  getting pretty and the music just makes me feel ready to rock his world.

Try it!