Change your perception and change your life... PLUS 36 things to do during football season

No matter how hard I tried to avoid this, it seems I was destined to enjoy football. My brother who is eight years older than me FORCED me to watch the movie The Program (starring Omar Epps, and Halle Berry EVERY SINGLE DAY for a year). Then when he was in high school, and college I was forced to attend his games weekly, under the guise of support, although I did enjoy the cheerleaders.

Then I found myself knocked up at age 19 and alone. It was sad, but that is not the point. The point is I spent a large amount of time with my father. I will give you a minute to google “daddy’s girl” and find my picture. I kid, no really. Anyway spending all this time with my father meant watching football.  He is a football FANATIC!!! He watches the draft like I watch How to Get Away with Murder. I mean he knows stats, where people went to college, and in some cases he knows a little about their upbringing. So instead of being even more miserable watching a sport I did not necessarily like or understand, I started asking questions. I begin to learn what the hand signals meant, and why they had so many chances to make a touch down. I started learning player’s name and my love of football and the Steeler Nation began.

Fast forward to the present and depending on who is playing I am happier than my husband to hear “I been waiting all day for Sunday night.” I know everyone will not share my sentiment. Some women refuse to even give the game a try. I don’t understand that because the eye candy is great, oh and part of being in a relationship is taking interest in his interest but I digress. Here we are half way almost done with preseason with 17 more weeks of regular season, playoffs, and then Super Bowl and women are saying good bye to their husbands and they are sad about it.

They need to be jumping for joy. How could they not realize all the free time they have in store during this football season. A lot of life’s issues are all about mindset. We trick ourselves into thinking we are not good enough so we never go after our dreams. We are mad when we don’t get a promotion, but the person who got the promotion is miserable and wants to quit. We struggle with seeing the blessings that surround us.

We look at rejection as a bad thing, when it is really protection. When you are stuck in traffic you are not in the fatal accident ahead. When the guy breaks your heart, you are that much closer to your prince charming. When the car lot tells you no, then the car is recalled, or you lose your job and would not have been able to pay for it anyway. The rejection was really protection. We have to start training our minds to see the good even when the situation seems extra bleak. There is a lesson in everything IF you have the right mindset.

So stop dreading football season and embrace it. I personally recommend attempting to like the game because it really is fun. Still, if hubby is like most men and cannot function when the game is on, you are going to have to occupy your time. In case you need some help with what to do with your time I have created a bucket list for you. A list of 36 things for you to do during football season.

So do you watch the game, or are you totally against it?

4 Things you may be doing that Kills Trust in Your Marriage

What is trust? People say all the time without trust there is no relationship, and I tend to agree. Or they say you have to trust your spouse with your heart, home, finances, body, children, everything, and again I agree, but what is trust? I often feel like it is one of those things we talk about, know it when we feel it, but can’t quite put it in words. It is like an understanding between two people.

But what is it really?  Is it the ability to allow your husband to go on a guy’s trip and you not flip out and call him every five minutes, or maybe it means you know when bill time comes around you are good? Or does trust mean he can now leave his phone in the room and you no longer do an army low crawl to search it and put it back in the exact same place? I think it is all of these things and more.

As I pondered the idea of trust I of course went to Madam Google who led me to Sir Merriam-Webster and I found the following “simple” definition: 

• Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc
• Assured reliance on character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
  • One in which confidence is placed

There were other definitions related to money and banks but that is totally off topic.

Trust, is like security in a relationship. I don’t want to have to wonder about any aspect of my relationship EVER. I want to know whatever our arrangement is that is what it is! If money is tight I shouldn’t come home to a red envelop I need to know before it gets that far.  I need to feel confident when you are out I am your queen and I have nothing to worry about. There will always be someone thinner, thicker, taller, longer hair whatever, but I want to be able to TRUST what we have is bigger and better than what other women may be offering.

Trust is not always about side chicks, although that is where our minds tend to go first. It is about me knowing I can count on you. I need to know in a clutch you got me. When you are in a relationship the other person needs to trust you will do your part, and do what you said you would do. Whether that is pay the bills, pick up the kids. When there is trust in a relationship you are able to let your guard down. You can be emotionally and physically nude. You are able to openly communicate and share who you are.

Think about it this way; when your husband leaves do you immediately think OMG he is cheating, or are you like me and think hey babe have a good time and don’t forget the milk. Trust is an asset like money. You work for your check, and you have to work at making sure your spouse trusts you. This happens over time when you show yourself as reliable and honest.

But what if you were ruining the trust in your relationship and didn’t even know it. What if little mistakes are chipping away at the trust? Here are 4 things you could be doing that will over time kill the trust in your relationship.

1. Not communicating. When you are not talking (and listening) to your spouse you leave room for error and assumptions. Communication keeps down so much confusion. No one can tell you anything about your relationship or spouse if the two of you are in constant communication.
2. That dam phone. We are all addicted to our phones. You are probably reading this from your phone now. The issue is how you are with your phone. If you guard your phone with your life, scared to leave it in the same room with your mate, and change your body to shield the screen you look suspect. Sure the sun may have been in your eye and you need to adjust your body but it still looks fraud.
3. No sex in the champagne room. I don’t care who you are sex is mandatory in a relationship. So unless someone has cancer or some other serious illness you need to be having sex with your mate. Everyone no matter what they tell you assumes if you are not sleeping with them, you are getting it from somewhere else. Sure you may be tired but you still have to put it down.
4. Not following through. If you say you will do something, do it. Whatever THAT is, pay a bill, pick up the kids, call their mom, whatever you told them you would do, get your Nike on and JUST DO IT.

Trust happens over time. You have to build a track record of showing up, and being a person of your word. Still years of trust can be demolished in a millisecond so we have to be careful without words and actions. What are you doing today to build trust in your marriage?

Love Making Music

February is such a great not only is it Black History Month but it is the LOVE month!!! I’m so excited about love. I love love and this month makes it worse lol. I’m all about being in love, making love, songs about love. You get the point by now I’m sure. So that is what you can look forward to this month on the blog. All things love related.

Let me give you a disclaimer. I am a married adult. I have sex with my husband and while it will not read like a Zane novel it is February and ANYTHING goes.

So to kick off Love month I am going to give you a nice playlist. Use it at your own leisure. I separated them into old school and newer school. However if you are like me you love them all.  These are some of my favorites. Enjoy!

1. Urban Mystic- Best Part of my day

2. Next- Splash

3. Faith- I love you

4. Wale- Bad

5. Miguel- Adorn

6. Beyonce- Rocket

7. D’Angelo- How does it Feel

8. Kelly Rowland- Motivation

9. Donnell Jones- I want to love you

10. Jesse Powell- You

11. Chris Brown- Rock you back to sleep

12. Johnny Gill- Behind Closed Doors

1. Prince- Adore

2. Earth Wind and Fire- Would you Mind

3. Tevin Campbell- Tell me what you want me to do- this could be old or not… I put it here

4. Con funk Shun- Love’s Train

5. Force MDs- Tender Love

6. O-Jays- Forever mine

7. Marvin Gaye- Sexual Healing

8. Marvin Gaye- Lets get it on

9. HeatWave- Always and Foever

10. Jodeci- Feenin

11. New Edition- Can you Stand the Rain

12. Keith Sweat- Make it Last Forever

Some honorable Mentions:

• Envouge- Giving him something he can feel

• R. Kelly

• Dru Hill

• Silk- I lived for this group and couldn’t narrow it to a song so…

• Trey Songz

Hope you enjoy the list. It is early so start planning for Valentine's Day now!!!

Balancing Business and Family

Entrepreneurship among women is at an all time high. I personally think this is great and believe we as women possess all it takes to run the world. However before we go off and conquer the world we have to make sure home is taken care of.

You do not want to lose your marriage or place unneeded stress on your family as you work to build your empire. When I first started my business I was obsessed to say the least. I was constantly reading, researching, taking free classes (and some paid ones). I mean I wanted to know everything.

Constantly looking at my phone or locking myself in the home office was not healthy for my family. I have a husband, and 11 year old and a 1 year old who is attached to his mommy at the hip if I left him. So even when the Mr. wasn’t noticing my absence my little man was. Fortunately my big girl is self sufficient and into her own pre teen life.

It wasn’t until I heard the Mr. give a loud (maybe overly dramatic) sigh did I take a look up from my phone and see what was happening to my family. My little man was crying, my pre teen was not making good TV choices and the Mr. was at wits end. I knew then something had to change. I also knew I was not giving up the idea of owning my own business. I honestly believe in having it all I just know it takes work. So I implemented these practical strategies and hacks into my life,  and we seem to be in a nice groove as a family and my business is flourishing as well.

1. Protect my time and create boundaries in my life. You have to learn your own limits and learn to say no.

2. Figure out exactly what it takes to run your type of business and plan out a process. For example I know I have to create content, so I set aside a specific day and time to do this.

3. Use my time at my day job very wisely. If there is down time I try to watch a webinar there, but only after my work is done because I need those coins to continue to fund my business.

4. Learn how to live with less sleep. In order to make sure my family gets what they need from me I have some late nights and early mornings.I do not have a nanny, chef, or maid so all those duties still have to get done no matter what. This means sometimes I wake up early and sometimes I go to bed late. My family is a priority to me and I make sure they know it. Sacrificing a little sleep to make sure ALL of our needs are met is ok with me.

5. Made my husband a priority. I also started to include him in my dreams, and share more of what I was learning with him.

How do you make time for it all?

What About Hubby?? 6 Ways to Make Time for Him

I used to always think I would have more energy than I actually did. I would set these unrealistic expectations for myself. I had grand plans for after work (WHY lol). I would make a pretty to do list for after work including cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, working on my biz, cranking out a few blog posts, then talk to and have sex with my husband.

With all the love and support my husband gives me, not to mention dealing with me and my maybe high strung emotions he deserves to be at the top of the list. Even as I make this list hubby is last. Why? My mindset was off that’s why. I justified him being last to myself by saying things like “well i have to work”, “we can’t live in filth” “the kids need me he is grown.”

The reality was I ALWAYS tired. By the time both kids went to sleep I had NOTHING left. The times I did have anything left I poured it all into my business. Let me say that starting from the bottom is not as glamorous in real life as it is in a song. There are a lot of long nights. I started to notice my husband and I were falling into the friend zone. You know speaking in passing, sharing tasks, and cuddling for sleep only.

THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!

Since I believe in confronting situations head on I asked my husband how he felt and he was so sweet. He admitted he felt a little neglected (I’m sure this was an understatement) but acknowledged what I was trying to do and understood why I was so preoccupied so he did not think it was ok to complain. How sweet. The issue is I never want my husband to feel this way so things had to change.

I absolutely believe it is a wife’s job to care for her husband, and honestly I was failing. I had to really dig deep and figure some things out and it all started with me. I was so tired because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I wasnt drinking water like, I was eating crap loaded with grease and extra cheese, and not working out. So there was some internal work that had to be done. However in the meantime I did this:

1. Brought my husband in on my dreams, asked for input explained what I was doing and why. I am so sure he is over my Regina obsession, and the countless workshops I have watched but once he understood why it was better. Also he felt more like a part of my dream and not like an outsider.

2. I started flirting with my husband. That all day leading up to the big bang event at night type of flirting. I am not above sending a sext message or a naughty picture to my husband and I encourage you to do the same!

3. We implemented mandatory date night every two weeks. Life happens and we can’t always get to a restaurant or movie, or event. So if date night has to be at home it still must happen. We have indoor picnics, movie nights, cocktails whatever at home but it is a date!

4. I started planning more so there was more time. I planned for things as much as possible in advance so I could create more time.

5. Hubby got my time before the business and sometimes before the kids. This created some late nights and early mornings but a happy husband is just like a happy wife.

6. I stopped putting him last. I know it is super tempting to wait until the children go to sleep, but I swear my baby boy rarely sleeps, and no matter how many times I clean the living room baby boy dumps all the toys all over again. So in the middle of the mess I cuddle with hubby and we watch our love bump, and answer our big girls questions about...EVERYTHING LOL

It is not easy to manage the many hats I wear but wife is a hat I chose and I plan to never take it off. Most days things do not go as planned. However everyday I accomplish at least 5 of the 5 MUST do things on my list, and one of them is to spend time with my husband. I hope you do the same!