The Seven Types of Rest We All Need

I am tired. The world is tired. It really doesn’t matter your beliefs, race, or other affiliations I am sure you are exhausted as well. The news cycle is awful, shootings, war, pandemic, inflation it is really a hot mess out here.

I keep going to sleep earlier and still waking ups just flat-out fatigued and have struggled to figure out why. Well, it hit me, maybe I am not giving myself the type of rest I need. Rest is more than sleep. According to Dr. Saundra Dalton Smith, there are seven dimensions to consider while trying to attain rest. I think most of us often focus too much on one dimension and hope to subconsciously distribute that state of rest in every other part. 

To achieve the true state of rest and rejuvenation, you need to observe these seven types of rest. All of the dimensions mentioned here are interconnected, and the absence of rest in one area easily affects the others. Paying attention to and then actually observing the various types of rest will help prevent the redundant patterns of restlessness and produce better results in the long run. You are most productive when you are rested. Therefore, you should channel all the necessary energy into attaining holistic rest. Yes, you may need to focus more on attaining all seven types of rest, but you will need less energy to be effective in whatever areas you need to tackle in your life. So what are the seven different types of rest?

Physical rest

There are two types of physical rest: passive and active physical rest. Passive physical rest involves actual sleep. Active physical rest is a more restorative rest. Doing something that helps your body’s circulation and flexibility like yoga or stretching or a slower-paced walk. Physical rest allows your body to build up new energy for pending tasks. 

Mental rest

The truth is your brain is constantly thinking about something. However, too much -uncontrolled thinking can leave you exhausted despite physical rest. Ever wonder why no matter how much sleep you get you never wake up refreshed? It could be you need more mental rest. Think about it like a computer… you need to close some of the active tabs on the screen and stop ruminating on things so much (within reason- stay alert at work guys!). Develop a culture of writing down those random thoughts like things you need to get done, so you don’t have pressure to keep remembering them. It will allow your mind to shut off for rest.

Sensory rest

Anything that triggers your five senses to send signals to the brain can easily overwhelm you, especially when all senses have to work simultaneously.  So to get sensory rest go to a quiet place where you are not being stimulated in any way. Another option is to set a timer for things that stimulate you this your phone. Too much time being engaged in scrolling, looking etc. can be overstimulating.

Creative rest

You can easily discern the absence of creative rest when your innovative ability feels suppressed. Excuse yourself from the matter needing your creativity because it is the source of your stress. Indulge in random activities or anything that relaxes your mind. An idea should pop up while you are doing unrelated activities from what you are trying to get creative in doing. 

Emotional rest

People pleasers suffer the greatest emotional torture. You are constantly putting other people’s emotions first and draining yours. You also feel restless at the thought of disappointing others. This may mean you need to set some boundaries with yourself. Teach yourself to say no or to turn down unnecessary requests so you are able to attain emotional rest. Remember, you can only give what you have.

Social rest

Each person has different types of social circles. There are the ones you easily connect with and others you feel you work too hard to entertain. Reduce the amount of time you are spending with the latter. You will attain social rest when you spend more time with your most trusted company of people or even by yourself. I tell people after work that sometimes I am peopled out a social battery is dead. This means saying no to the social outing and just being with myself or my family.

Spiritual rest

There are three dimensions to every human being, and your spirit needs constant nourishing. Most people think of religion here but it is more dependent on your own beliefs. So spiritual rest can look like prayer, meditation, or some other act that connects you to your Higher power. If you do not engage in spiritual beliefs or practices another way to get this type of rest is to have a sense of belonging with others where they feel accepted. It is all about the inter-connectedness of a relationship with others or your Higher Power.

Making sure you are nurturing yourself and ensuring you get all types of rest will help you feel more refreshed and able to tackle the tasks of your day. What type of rest do you need more of? What type of rest are you really good at getting for yourself?

Journaling for Mental Health

You know what I find so wild… journaling is so powerful and helpful and when most people think about it all they see is the dramatics of an adolescent girl. We have all seen shows where the girl is doodling in her notebook or writing about her latest crush. We had no idea how healing writing could be. The reality is journaling provides a safe and creative outlet that gives relief to our minds, while also gaining insights into who we are at our core. Depending on your belief system you could even write your way into the life you want.

Journaling is jotting down any and everything that our minds can conjure. Allowing our thoughts and emotions to attain tangibility is an excellent curator for our mental wellbeing. Journaling helps polish our perspective as well the ability to process events, much like we’re able to when sharing with a friend.

Journaling and mental health:

Most professionals and thought leaders will tell you a journaling routine is an incredibly beneficial activity for mental health. It might seem surprising that the simple act of writing down what we see, sense, and feel could heal the mind. Research provides plenty of evidence on how journaling is a viable way to help manage symptoms of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and even stress.

Here are a few ways journaling can help improve mental health:

It cultivates self-awareness: Take a few steps back to the claim that journaling is like conversing with a friend. Now imagine if you were able to accurately look back on these conversations, word to word; wouldn’t that help hold up an objective lens to yourself? 

It encourages emotional regulation: If you journal, you'll eventually find that you're a lot more in sync with your emotions as well as your ability to process events. You will be well past the tendency of avoiding emotions that don’t feel as pretty or denying how you feel about certain circumstances. 

It fosters the ability to seek help: Have you ever realized how hard it is for us to open up, admit we’re vulnerable, and ask for help? Journaling allows us to be honest with ourselves, and when we’re able to do that, being honest about our needs with others comes a little easier.

How to start journaling:

I bet you were thinking there would be some secret sauce here but there is not. Just start. Sure nice notebooks and fancy pens are great but really you need pen and paper, or even the notes app on your phone. It does not have to be extravagant you just have to start. 

Opt for consistency: Journaling does not demand that you offer a certain length of words and pages, but it certainly asks for consistency. Try to journal every day, and little by little, you’ll pick up the pace as it becomes a routine. Even if you just do one line a day the point is to do it daily.

Don’t over-complicate it: Before anything else, remember that you’re only journaling for yourself and no one else. As you write, use the words and ways that feel most natural and expressive to you; there’s no need to complicate the process by trying to integrate hard words and structures. There is no grade or prize for the most eloquent journal. This is for you.

Journal however you see fit: There's no declaration of rules that dictate how journaling has to be carried out. You can write, draw, doodle, or even scribble in your journal as long as you feel that it's the perfect manifestation of whatever you want to put across. Your journal is your canvas. You can do a gratitude list,  a one-line sentence of how the day went, or just write feeling words you experienced throughout the day.

Let's talk about High Functioning Depression- Dangers, Signs, and How to Manage

It is time to take the cape off and expose some things a lot of people, specifically Black women have been struggling with for a while.  We are suffering in silence and the reality is a lot of us have no clue why or even what is happening. Enter high functioning depression (HFD).  High-functioning depression is a form of depression not often diagnosed or identified clinically. The mood disorder is often not severe presenting enough for a depression prognosis. However, a person with this condition exhibits the symptoms of depression it just looks slightly different. The manifestation of the mental illness does not interfere with daily functioning like in major depression. Meaning internally the person understands something is going on but it is not enough for them to stay in bed.

A common clinical diagnosis for High-functioning depression is Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD). PDD is long-term mild depression. People with this mood disorder also function well even though they have the condition. It seems that in most cases people who experience this have a push-through way of being so they can be super successful, and even appear friendly and outgoing. Think of the recent death of Cheslie Kryst who would have thought. The list does not stop there, unfortunately.

What makes HFD so scary is it lies just underneath the surface. The person is able to move and shake oftentimes having a lot of major accomplishments. There is a concept called smile depression that is often present. A person with this form of depression frequently smiles despite their low mood. The last thing we expect someone with depression to do is to smile.

The symptoms of clinical depression are usually present in HFD just in a lower dose as the person works harder to keep up their image. They may be guarded and often the symptoms are unseen by the outside world. These symptoms include tearfulness,  low participation in things they once found joy in, fatigue, canceling plans consistently for not seen emergency, disturbance in sleep and or appetite, and even sad mood.

Here are some signs that you may be dealing with HFD

1. You feel very fatigued and struggle to do the basic things of life. Others may have described you as lazy.

2. In the face of a compliment, you struggle to accept it and may even find ways to criticize yourself. 

3. Fluctuations on your weight without trying due to disturbances in your appetite.

4. Feelings of hopelessness even though you are seemingly accomplishing our goals. 

Despite going on with your regular life and even some exciting parts of life a person with HFD can find that their energies are low throughout the day, have low concentration, feelings of despair, anger, and agitation. With all of these things bad enough to cause discomfort but not bad enough that it is recognized by the individual that they need to seek help. Often we are conditioned to just keep going always looking to the next milestone and in a state of grind that we are not in tune with our emotions and this is missed. 

So how do we manage- aside from seeking help:

1. Acknowledge what is happening  Do not try to pass it off as a phase, or something you can accomplish your way out of. Be transparent with yourself.

2. Get active- I am not saying complete an Iron man I am just saying move your body. The longer you lay the more you wanna lay so get up and get moving.

3. Make sure you are eating whole foods. There is a huge connection between nutrition and mental health

4. Get social even if it is just replying to a friend who has messaged you.

Just because a person is not walking around like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh or sitting alone crying missing work and dropping other obvious balls in their life does not mean they are not struggling. Depression happens on a scale, ranging in severity, and while there are common symptoms it will not look the same on everyone. People are fighting daily battles and because of social media, we really think we know someone and often we are just seeing the surface facade they have created so they can get through the day. 

You can manage high-functioning depression with therapy and other mind-body-soul approaches to care. Do not go through this debilitating condition alone. Mild depression can become severe without proper treatment and care.

Resources if you need help

Therapy for Black Girls

Psychology Today

Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line

Text HOME to 741-741

Disclaimer- *I understand the cultural and systematic reasons Black people, again women specifically, are often misdiagnosed or brushed to the side because “it seems like you have it all together” that issue is just not the focus of this article.*

What to do When you are in a Therapy Slump

The progress in therapy can be slow and requires perseverance and dedication. For some mental conditions and life trauma counseling is lifelong. While it is an active thing we are doing to get better there can be a sump because tangible results manifest gradually. So often we are looking for the 180 degrees of change when really we need to look for the 1 degree. Change is hard and can come about a lot slower than we think. There may be periods of regression, relapses, and plateau phases in your mental health journey. 

When therapy stagnancy gets in the way of progress, here are a few things you can do to get out of the funk. 

Talk to Your Therapist

Say something! Let this be a practice in speaking up and advocating for yourself. Your clinician is equipped with resources and strategies to help identify the source of the stagnancy and problem solve with you. They also have the experience and training to help you maneuver through the slump. 

You do not need to suffer in silence when you have a professional helping you get better. Talk to your therapist, and together you can find a lasting solution.

Acceptance

Acknowledge your situation instead of living in denial. It is okay to feel stuck. It is normal for any long-term process to have an exponential face and a plateau phase. However, do your best not to lag off. Ignoring this reality only exhausts your resolve further and worsens your feelings of dissatisfaction. While you are feeling less of an impact, your mind is slowly and steadily reshaping for the better.

Use Your Feelings and Emotions as Pointers

Your feelings and emotions do not always accurately depict your mental state. It is the reason they have to be regulated. Therefore, you cannot rely on them to make decisions or develop perceptions. Instead, leaning on your sensations, use them as indicators. Why are you finding therapy to be such a burden? What is feeding your dissatisfaction? You should also note when counseling became unbearable. 

Identify the triggers and enabling behaviors and focus on resolving the conflicts. Unless you find the root cause of your discontentment, you may never see the necessity to continue with therapy. Let your feelings and emotions point you toward the underlying cause. 

Create Daily Goals to Break from Routine

Therapy, like any other life routine, gets boring. It gets familiar and unchallenging with time. The monotony makes you worn out. You can spice up your routine by setting up daily goals to increase the excitement. The goals should be realistic and focus on improving certain aspects of your mental health.

 If your stagnation comes from therapy strategies not working, it may be time to learn new techniques. The rut means progress in such cases. Your brain uses learned pathways to solve new problems. Sometimes, the novel issue may be too complex for your brain's response. Thus, it may be time to learn new therapeutic techniques to overcome this new milestone. 

Create goals that achieve a higher objective to stimulate your brain. Begin with improving the rut causation before advancing to boosting other areas of your brain. You need to know the cause of your rut to achieve these goals.

Self-Care

A slump may indicate you are not taking care of your mental and physical health. Are you getting enough sleep? How long do you rest? What is your diet? Mental health requires complete lifestyle transformation. 

• Ample sleep helps regulate your circadian rhythm, essential for hormone regulation. Some of these hormones influence mood regulation.

• Diet provides nutrients that the body uses to maintain the brain's function. Thus, you can set your goals, improve your motivation and reasoning, and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and mood.

• Exercise improves blood circulation. It boosts your brain performance by supplying sufficient nutrients and oxygen to the brain. Exercise also releases feel-good hormones to help you handle depression.

• Spend time with loved ones. When you are around people who care, you get the support to forge on in therapy.

• Mindfulness activities help you appreciate life and delight in the little things.

If you have been neglecting yourself, it is easy to get weighed down by life responsibilities. Prioritize yourself beyond attending therapy sessions. 

Make a Change

Progress in therapy is a great thing. While some people need years of therapy others may need months. If you are finding that nothing is new, your moods are regulated and you are using the skills and concepts discussed it may be time to take a step back. I find that people use the skills when we are seeing one another weekly because they know I will ask about them. I like to space the sessions out for 2 weeks and see what happens. It is ok to gradually space out the sessions because the goal is to heal right? It may be time for less frequent sessions and more actual real life. Do not be afraid to suggest this.

Everyone is different and what works for others may not work for you, but try a few of these suggestions if you find yourself in a rut while in therapy.

Happy healing!!

What to Do if Your Therapist Offends You

We are all so different. What is ok in my house may not be in yours. My children are allowed to say no and I remember this was the holy grail of what not to do when I was growing. My point is we are all different and our threshhold for offense and disrespect is different. 

Times are changing and I think people are changing as quickly as they can but they will mess up. Therapist are people and while we have been trained on empathetic listening we were not given a linguistic course. Therapist have blindspots as well and they may come up in your session.

There may be a time when your therapist upsets you with their mannerisms word choice or even office decor. What should you do? I think there is external work and internal work to be done. 

Externally I think talk to the therapist about it. This is a teachable moment for the both of you. You being able to speak up for yourself and explain why you are feeling this way is helpful and it also shows the therapist their blind spot.  Growth for everybody. 

Internally challenge yourself to consider what you are actually upset about. Why did their use of this word (racial slurs and misgendering pronouns NOT included) offend you and was it intentional. What about the earrings made you upset? What about their website language and pictures triggered this response in you. Is it you? Does it remind you of something or someone else? One of the four agreements is to never take anything personal is this an instance where you can practice this?

There will be times where there is no compromise or understanding and in that case absolutely get another therapist. So much of your success is dependent on the theraputic relationship and if you believe it is tarnished beyond repair seek help elsewhere. ?I believe speaking up presents an opportunity for growth for the both of you even if you get a new therapist. You will have the opportunity to use your voice in a safe environment and the therapist will also have an opportunity to grow because trust me we are learning in these sessions as well. 

How do we learn to communicate if we are just running away? How does a person learn their language is offensive if in their home it is acceptable? Nope it is not your place to educate anyone but what if you took a minute to stand up for yourself? Would you feel better?