Keep Some of your Tea and Protect his Image

Girl I would not deal with that if I were you. No honey my man could never do anything like that. These are responses I have been guilty of giving in the past. I know shame on me. Now before you start side eyeing, think about the last time your girlfriend came to you in tears. How did you react?  It wasn’t until I actually got married that I realized just how difficult marriage can be, just how much I was willing to take, and how everybody else’s opinion is just none of my business.

Everyone has an opinion about EVERYTHING!! Trust me I know. Don’t believe me? Look on any social media outlet and you will see people expressing those opinions. When it comes to religion, politics, and other social issues people have very strong opinions. Should they be allowed to have these same strong opinions about your marriage? I say yes.

Some of you are about to stop reading but hear me out. When we watch reality TV, regular TV, look at a person’s social media, see someone struggle with their toddler in Walmart, whatever the situation we form an opinion. Go ahead and say you don’t. We all felt some type of way about everything. We judge the network marketers calling it a scam, we judge the girl selling bundles because her own hair is a mess, we even judge the mother in Walmart whose son is running in a circle and screaming. It is not nice, but it is human.

So why is your marriage any different? People are going to have thoughts and feelings about your marriage and I encourage you to let them have them. What other people think about you and your man is none of your business. What I do NOT encourage is that you indulge them. How someone else feels about your relationship is none of your business. Learn to set that boundary. This is important because as much as we say otherwise we care what other people think. If we didn’t we would not even listen to what they have say.

I had a friend once and she was my best friend. We were always together. When you saw one you saw the other. We were so close that there were gay rumors despite me having a daughter. She started dating a guy who no one thought was right for her. She was happy though so I went with it. She came to my house one day in tears about something he had done. Clearly, this was not the first time. Well, my very opinionated mother heard the conversation and threw in her 25 cents (yes it was way more than 2). My friend shortly thereafter stopped taking my calls and no longer wanted to be my friend because of what my mom said.

I had resentment for a while but the truth is she was more than likely ashamed. After we sat around and bashed him (notice I say we) she went back to him. How was she ever going to look at us again?  I am a real friend so I would have kept it moving and he never had to know what was said but she told him. He helped her end the friendship. They eventually got married. A year or so later he told me he had to establish boundaries for the two of us, and admitted he intentionally broke up our friendship but I digress.

The point is you have to keep some things to yourself.  If she had not spilled all of her tea, we may still be good friends. I understand the need to vent. It is healthy to get some things off your chest but you have to choose the environment. Everyone is not a good ear for your dirty laundry. Best practice is to have that one married friend. It is easier for a married woman to understand your frustration. My mentor once told me the reason he declined to speak about his wife is because if we were to ever meet he would not want me to be jaded or feel some type of way. He had no idea the lesson he taught me that day.

He taught me part of my responsibility as a wife is to protect my husband’s image when it comes to the people in my life. I know it seems like a lot of responsibility but it comes with the territory. If you come to work always complaining about money, the toilet seat being up, or just complaining about your home life, in general, they blame your husband. They do not know him so they have to assume what you are saying is accurate. They don't realize that whether intentional or not your version of the story is more than likely jaded. So now when your husband shows up to the company picnic everyone is side eyeing him and whispering, while you stand looking all kinds of confused.

So befoe you share that story with your good girlfriend, or your mom think about this:

1. You are going to forgive him.
2. It is really none of their business.
3. Is this something he wants the world to know?
4. Do you trust this person with your secrets?
5. Would you want him to share this information about you?

As a married woman, I can say with confidence your husband will take you there. He will have you planning his murder at 8am and by 8:30 he will be your prince charming again. Your friends and family will not be so forgiving. When it comes to him their emotions will not move as quickly. So never bad mouth your spouse to other people.

Need more encouragement just think how Beyonce must have felt. Her sister attacked her husband.She never said a word (that I saw) about either of them she kept it moving, put it in a song, and secured another bag.All while being unbothered by others opinion and you should too…

What is the last story you told about your husband? Was he the hero or the villain?

4 Positions to Drive Him Wild

With it being love day and all I know everyone is thinking about the chocolate, wine, steaks and of course some good ole bedroom action, and I am no different. This post however is…

Every woman wants her man to be crazy over her. We want to feel like his life revolves around us, and would kiss the ground we walk on. Ladies, am I right? We want out man to smile at us proudly as we kill whatever goals we have set for ourselves, and simultaneously rip our clothes off like we are Halle Berry’s porn star twin in the bedroom.

This is the reason why #relationshipgoals is a trending hashtag on social media. Not a believer? Look it up and you will see an array of pictures. You will find pics displaying pride, lust, and everything in between. Girlfriends and wives everywhere are drooling over the way Jay Z holds Beyonce’s ankle. While cheering and leaving smiling emojis as we discovered that Tammy took back Wacka. Let us not forget the time Former President Barack Obama cupped his First Lady’s rear end *swoon*

The thing women are forgetting is we have to stimulate his MIND and his body. Sure you can be a gymnast in the bed, and even be the best he ever had, but if that is all you have the relationship will never make it out of the bedroom. How will he brag to his friends if his only memories with you are in the bedroom? Those stories will eventually get old. If he serious about you he will not want to talk about your bedroom behavior instead he will want to talk about your business venture, the time you graduated from college, your new promotion at work, or how loving you are with the children. He will want to talk about a woman who is bringing more to the table than her plate.

 As cliché, as it sounds a man, wants a LADY in the streets and a FREAK in the sheets. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and ask any man. It can be a lot but you are trying to get to those relationship goals right? So here are four positions that are sure to drive him wild in and out of the bedroom.

Ride him, cowgirl. This will allow you to take control while giving him a full view of you and allow his hands to roam free. Men love when the woman takes control so give him what he wants!

Doggie Style. In this position, he is able to go deeper, and move at his own pace. So for the times when he needs to dominate and feel like a king, this is a perfect position.

Standing tall. A woman who is confident, about her business, and takes care of her business is a turn on. If you are truly standing tall you will have no problem stimulating his mind, and showing him things he has never seen before. Remember confidence is the best thing a woman can wear.

On your knees. Instantly you thought about an oral transaction, and those are good too but there is nothing like a praying woman. A lady who knows where her strength comes from will be able to be her man’s backbone when he needs it. Whatever your faith is you have to have a source. God, Universe, Buddha whomever you have to get your strength from somewhere, and faith comes from prayer.

Use these positions and watch him fall in love with you all over again. He will notice the changes and suddenly you are the giggling girl with your man looking lovingly at you. Thank me later ladies, and happy love day.

Which position will you be trying tonight?

Is your Marriage Ready for the new Year?

I still cannot believe it is 2017. Like time really does not wait for anyone. So here we are beginning February, but we are still feeling pumped about the year ahead. It’s something magical about the beginning of the year. Everyone is pumped and excited about the future.  People are proclaiming this is their year and I LOVE it. I personally don't mind people saying new year new me I am here for everyone improving themselves. We are right in that magical space where you really decide if you are going to stick with your goals or not. So I figured it was the perfect time to address your marriage!

During this time of new beginning, everyone has great intentions and we are all ready to conquer the world. We have pumped ourselves up for world domination! We set our resolutions and finally decided to publish that book, start that company, and live a fabulous life. However, in all your planning did you consider your marriage? Have you set goals for your union? Or do you think it will just run on auto pilot? The one thing that should be at the forefront of our minds is often left to an afterthought.

We think about our weight loss, and set a workout schedule but did we schedule date night? We have decided on a meal prep company (because ain't nobody got time for that) but what have we planned or put in place for our marriage? Without proper planning, we are going to be two hot, business owners who have fallen into roommate syndrome.

So how do we combat this? My husband and I have business meetings! I know you ready with the side eye because this is love and not a business, right? Nah now I am giving you side eye because like it or not this a business. Don’t believe me just watch.

A business is defined as a person's regular occupation, profession, or trade. So wouldn't wife and husband fall into that category? If not we need to talk a little more in depth, email me personally here. As a wife, there are regular duties you perform same with being a husband. You have a job to do outside of cooking and cleaning. So back to my original point.

 My husband and I have a business meeting to discuss the business of our marriage. We discuss our kid's schedules, bills, and schedule some time for us. The importance of this meeting is to keep communication open. Open lines of communication work wonders for the marriage.

We also have goals for our marriage whether it is how we show love, frequent sexual adventures, or whatever else we decide. So in addition to the kid's schedules, and bills we use this meeting as a time for us to check in and see what we are doing great at, and what we could be dong better. I work better with goals, and progress checks he respects that and gives it to me.

With it now being February people are going to be thinking about Valentine's day and sex but I want you to make sure you are giving your husband the best of you every day and not just in February. So here are a few things to remember to make sure your marriage is healthy and ready for the new year:

1.  Your words matter, he needs your encouragement. You are his biggest cheerleader. He needs your support. With your words, he can feel like Superman or Pookie from new jack City so make sure you are constantly lifting him up. It doesn't matter who tells him he is great he wants to hear it from you.

2.  Loving him means taking care of you. Sometimes taking care of you means taking a break. Take time for you. I know what you are thinking, Girl you said this was about my marriage, and it is. Still, when you are feeling your best you can give him your best

3.  Express gratitude. The number one complaint I hear from men (yes I work with men too) is that they do not feel appreciated. I think when people get married they assume that because he is the husband he has to do things when this is not true. Ask the married lady who doesn't know where her husband is at night.

Just remember when you are setting your intentions, praying, seeking, and planning do not forget your marriage. What have you done for your marriage lately?

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A Year in Review: Goodbye 2016 Hello 2017

Wow! 2017. Happy New Year everyone.  I cannot believe it is time for a year in review post already. It feels like I just did this for 2016. I would go into how time is not a real concept but that's not why you are here.

Now let me get into it. 2016, I know for some it was horrible, and yes as a country it may not have been our proudest moment but for me.... well I am blessed. I have finally gotten some things right and this year for me was nothing short of amazing. I am in awe of all the things that happened. 

I sill start with bae, where else would I start lol. I watched this man take crap for me ( a lot less crap but hey I am still a work in progress), go to jobs that he HATED, and then FINALLY step into his purpose. He started his business Cleaneats 2 U and I could not be more proud.  Cleaneats 2 u is a meal prep service that ships all over the country. The meals are very healthy but also very tasty, and fresh frozen. It is a huge hit. Shot out to his loyal customers. 

My Jaden is still a joy and a terror and we have started the potty training phase. My mini me alas has figured out that she doesn't have to be everybody's best friend. Enter in a twerk AND a praise dance. She was able to say no, and stick with it and not feel bad. I think she struggled with the difference in assertive and aggressive a bit but eh we are getting to it.

For me, well I started a new blog, business, and was able to meet some AMAZING women. I was also able to connect with a woman whose work I had been admiring online for quite some time. I was a guest blogger for Amanda Whetstone, Code Red Flag, and a featured blogger on The Social Wives Club, a vendor at More than a Wifey Brunch, a guest on The Real Feel Good Show,  108 Praise Radio, and The Doctor of Love Show. I was able to help several women restore their self-love while assisting a few other women in restoring their romantic love. I will say 2016 had its challenges but I am blessed. Of course, I must mention I self-published my first book!!! For those of you who got the pre-order copy, thank you for the support, and I am so sorry for all the errors. It was definitely a learning experience, and changes have been made.

I am even more excited about 2017 because I am so much smarter, calmer, and more intentional this year. I am days away from launching my new coaching program, added a new service to my list of services, and have plans to just move forward and keep shining the light on love. I really just want women to know they can have it all if they work for it. 

No more playing small for me and I encourage you to do the same. We get out of life what we work for. I recently sent my email list 4 tips to a better new year and I will share one with you. Be intentional, in all things. 

What are your plans for the new year?

Don't be the Dead Battery in Your Relationship

I have really been working hard to make sure I am doing all the things I tell others to do. Part of that is sticking to my goal of cleaning the living room nightly. Something about heading out the door in the morning and passing the mess bothers me (it must just be me because the kids don't seem to be in any hurry to pick up after themselves).

Anyway, I was cleaning my living room for the hundredth time this particular day and I heard the familiar noise of a talking toy dying.  Unless you are a parent or have children's battery powered toys in your home you may not recognize the noise. When a toy is dying the voice is fake scary deep and it drags on like it is being chopped and screwed.

Before I get to the point I just want to ask why is it when a battery powered toy is dying the toy talks/makes noise when no one is playing with it. Like it is randomly calling out for help. How is this even happening? Ok back to the point.

As a parent, I can hear a dying toy a mile away. I immediately thought to myself “where are my batteries”.  I went to the battery bag (I am a parent, and there is a bag for everything) I only found one in the size I needed. Since children have some sort of innate alarm that goes off when you are moving or otherwise bothering the toy they have not looked at in months my son comes running in the room. Of course, since I am holding his toy it is now the best things ever and he wants it. As I looked into my son’s beautiful brown eyes I knew what I had to do.

I only changed one of the batteries. I knew when I put the good battery in the toy with the dying battery it wouldn’t last. I really only wanted it to last until he lost interest again, or until I could get to the store for more batteries. No, I couldn't go right then I was cleaning remember. The day went on and I eventually forgot and like clockwork two days later there is the toy sounding like a bad remix again. I knew when I forced the good battery to do all the work the toy would not last.

Now, why would I tell you this story? To set the stage for what is next because the whole post couldn't be about batteries right? As a relationship expert, I see the world and most activities in relationships. Simple things like the battery incident made me think of my clients and some of the relationship issues they are experiencing.

They are having these issues because one if not both of them is the dead battery. In a relationship, you need two whole, happy, healthy people for it to work.  If not the relationship is doomed. Sorry, I aint sorry. If one person is the dying battery the other person ends up doing all the work, and eventually they become drained or sick. Now you have two “dead” people in a dysfunctional “relationship”. Life is hard enough and we all have our issues. The stress of carrying our load, and adding a second load with no help is just too much work.`

What is a “dead” battery in terms of relationships? It is a person who is not pulling their weight for whatever reason. This person has not addressed their own issues, whatever the issues may be. This can be financially, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. To be clear I am not saying a person on a journey is “dead”, as being on the journey indicates life. We all have to grow, and we should allow our loved ones the space to do the same.

I am talking about the people who are deep in their issue and not looking for a way out. For example, a person who may have had a bad relationship in the past and is not making any effort to heal and are also bringing their old baggage into their relationship would be considered a “dead” person.

Think about your last relationship, why did it end? Were one of you giving your all and the other not so much? Who was the dead battery in that relationship, if there was one? Who was not carrying their weight? Who was not growing in the relationship?

Life is about change and growth. When you refuse to grow you die. Do you want your 10-year-old acting as a 5-year-old? Hopefully, the answer is no. You want them to grow, learn and expand their thinking. The same applies to you. When I told you the story of the dying toy it was easy to identify the issue. The dead battery drained the new battery. Why is so hard for people to look at their lives with the same simplicity? If you are not in a good space mentally how do you expect to sustain a relationship? Grow, learn and do not attach yourself to dead batteries. Most importantly don't be the dead battery.

Have you ever had to end a relationship because it was too draining?