Girl I would not deal with that if I were you. No honey my man could never do anything like that. These are responses I have been guilty of giving in the past. I know shame on me. Now before you start side eyeing, think about the last time your girlfriend came to you in tears. How did you react? It wasn’t until I actually got married that I realized just how difficult marriage can be, just how much I was willing to take, and how everybody else’s opinion is just none of my business.
Everyone has an opinion about EVERYTHING!! Trust me I know. Don’t believe me? Look on any social media outlet and you will see people expressing those opinions. When it comes to religion, politics, and other social issues people have very strong opinions. Should they be allowed to have these same strong opinions about your marriage? I say yes.
Some of you are about to stop reading but hear me out. When we watch reality TV, regular TV, look at a person’s social media, see someone struggle with their toddler in Walmart, whatever the situation we form an opinion. Go ahead and say you don’t. We all felt some type of way about everything. We judge the network marketers calling it a scam, we judge the girl selling bundles because her own hair is a mess, we even judge the mother in Walmart whose son is running in a circle and screaming. It is not nice, but it is human.
So why is your marriage any different? People are going to have thoughts and feelings about your marriage and I encourage you to let them have them. What other people think about you and your man is none of your business. What I do NOT encourage is that you indulge them. How someone else feels about your relationship is none of your business. Learn to set that boundary. This is important because as much as we say otherwise we care what other people think. If we didn’t we would not even listen to what they have say.
I had a friend once and she was my best friend. We were always together. When you saw one you saw the other. We were so close that there were gay rumors despite me having a daughter. She started dating a guy who no one thought was right for her. She was happy though so I went with it. She came to my house one day in tears about something he had done. Clearly, this was not the first time. Well, my very opinionated mother heard the conversation and threw in her 25 cents (yes it was way more than 2). My friend shortly thereafter stopped taking my calls and no longer wanted to be my friend because of what my mom said.
I had resentment for a while but the truth is she was more than likely ashamed. After we sat around and bashed him (notice I say we) she went back to him. How was she ever going to look at us again? I am a real friend so I would have kept it moving and he never had to know what was said but she told him. He helped her end the friendship. They eventually got married. A year or so later he told me he had to establish boundaries for the two of us, and admitted he intentionally broke up our friendship but I digress.
The point is you have to keep some things to yourself. If she had not spilled all of her tea, we may still be good friends. I understand the need to vent. It is healthy to get some things off your chest but you have to choose the environment. Everyone is not a good ear for your dirty laundry. Best practice is to have that one married friend. It is easier for a married woman to understand your frustration. My mentor once told me the reason he declined to speak about his wife is because if we were to ever meet he would not want me to be jaded or feel some type of way. He had no idea the lesson he taught me that day.
He taught me part of my responsibility as a wife is to protect my husband’s image when it comes to the people in my life. I know it seems like a lot of responsibility but it comes with the territory. If you come to work always complaining about money, the toilet seat being up, or just complaining about your home life, in general, they blame your husband. They do not know him so they have to assume what you are saying is accurate. They don't realize that whether intentional or not your version of the story is more than likely jaded. So now when your husband shows up to the company picnic everyone is side eyeing him and whispering, while you stand looking all kinds of confused.
So befoe you share that story with your good girlfriend, or your mom think about this:
- You are going to forgive him.
- It is really none of their business.
- Is this something he wants the world to know?
- Do you trust this person with your secrets?
- Would you want him to share this information about you?
As a married woman, I can say with confidence your husband will take you there. He will have you planning his murder at 8am and by 8:30 he will be your prince charming again. Your friends and family will not be so forgiving. When it comes to him their emotions will not move as quickly. So never bad mouth your spouse to other people.
Need more encouragement just think how Beyonce must have felt. Her sister attacked her husband.She never said a word (that I saw) about either of them she kept it moving, put it in a song, and secured another bag.All while being unbothered by others opinion and you should too…
What is the last story you told about your husband? Was he the hero or the villain?
