A common theme I have been seeing in my clients lately is a lack of confidence. It shows up in so many different ways. I think most often we link confidence to beauty money, and status but it can also show up in other areas. Lack of confidence can look like not setting boundaries, not taking care of your physical body, not keeping your word, and even not putting yourself out there for fear of rejection. I get it. The world is scary and you never know how people will respond. Still there has to be a moment where that does not matter because the thing you are going after matters more. I think self confidence kicks in here. It allows you t feel the fear but do the thing anyway.
What is self-confidence? It is defined as a feeling – a feeling of trust in one’s qualities, capabilities, and judgment. Confidence is also trusting that you are enough and the decisions you make for yourself are correct- and even of it goes left knowing you do not have to beat yourself up about it. It can bring more benefits than you think.
Here are four I bet you have not considered:
You perform better. You don’t waste your time worrying about what you are not, instead you are more confident of what you are capable of and what you can become.
You gain healthier relationships. You understand what you bring to the relationship and how you want to be treated which impacts the way you form relationships with others
You are more open to new things. It becomes easier to say yes to more opportunities and possibilities.
You get back up when you fall. Understanding that you will not always get it right you become more resilient and thrive even in the midst of a challenging situation.
It is so much easier said than done especially considering everyone has a different set of life situations. The more I talk to people the more I understand it is not as easy as just do it. It does not always come easy or naturally for everyone, so here are some practical ways you can start to boost your confidence.
1. Work out
I get it. Between jobs and facing other personal battles, it’s difficult to start working out let alone keep a routine. But exercising is not just about losing weight or building muscle, it’s also proven to improve mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and other feelings of negativity. It’s also been found to alleviate feelings of low self-esteem as well. Working out requires commitment and just merely sticking to it is in itself an accomplishment. Doesn’t accomplishing something make you feel good?
2. Take responsibility for yourself.
You have to understand that you and only you can make things happen in your life - not anybody else. You have to make that decision about what you want to accomplish. If you always spend all your time waiting for things to happen for you, you are in for a huge disappointment. For instance, how would you know if you are not fit for a job if you never apply?
3. Choose to surround yourself with positive people.
Those you spend a lot of your time with may influence your thoughts and impact the way you see yourself in a big way. People can be overly judgmental to others, and sometimes even those close to us could trigger our anxiety and make us feel even worse. While it is important to have a strong support system, pay attention to how people in your life make you feel. Are they encouraging? Do they make you feel like you can do better and be better? How about your family? Analyze how they make you feel and choose to surround yourself with those who make you feel better, obviously while still holing you accountable.
4. Practice positive self-talk.
We are our own worst enemy and our own biggest critic. Being honest with yourself is good, but you also have to be kind. Negative self-talk may bring out the worst in you and may limit your abilities. If you constantly tell yourself that you are not good enough, you will eventually believe it and that’s not going to help you in any way. Reframe your thoughts and practice positive self-talk. Instead of saying “you can’t do anything right” try saying “I can do better next time.”
5. Take one step at a time.
You don’t have to do challenging things right away just to make yourself more confident. Sometimes it’s easy to take one small step like do something that makes you uncomfortable at least once in a while. Thinking about my earlier point to exercise- you do not have to wake up tomorrow and be a gladiator. Start small, try taking a walk and build from there.
6. Celebrate small things and small victories.
You are alive and healthy. You were able to accomplish a task you have been holding off on for a while. You went out and bought yourself a coffee even though you were feeling anxious. These things are enough for you to celebrate. One of the best ways to gain self-confidence is by appreciating the things you can do no matter how small it is. You don’t have to wait for that big moment to celebrate. Sometimes, you get focused on the big thing when it’s the small things that really count. Try to write down a couple of things you did well at the end of each day. You are probably doing better than you think.
It all starts with you. Consider what step you are willing to take today. A bonus thing I think may be worth mentioning is to get a mentor. There are times when you just can’t do it on your own and need some guidance. Find someone who can show you how, like a mentor or a coach (dare I say a therapist). Ask them for an action plan that you can both implement. Or maybe, just have a conversation with them which will help you pick up nuggets of wisdom. Confident people are ready to help because they know they have been down that road before – not knowing what to do and the effort that it took to achieve their goal.
How will you start to build your confidence?