5 Ways to Practice Radical Acceptance

I was in a session last week and my client said “I already know you are going to say, I need to practice radical acceptance.” Before I could respond I just had to smile.  I smiled because she was right. I love me some radical acceptance. While the basic premise of radical acceptance is “it is what it is” it has allowed me to increase the joy I have in my life and I can’t help but encourage my clients to try it.

So what is radical acceptance? Radical Acceptance is one of the tenets of Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT) created by Psychologist Marsha Lineham. Radical acceptance is accepting the situation as it is for the facts, and removing the emotion. It is a conscious decision to accept things outside of your control without judgment. When done correctly this concept will help you not allow the pain of life to become suffering. Pain is temporary and suffering is longer lasting. The ultimate goal of radical acceptance is progression and growth rather than stagnation and clinging to the past. Heavy disclaimer radical acceptance should not be utilized is in the case of abusive relationships, or dangerous or life-threatening situations.

Recognizing that things are outside of our control can help alleviate a lot of anger, sadness, and other strong emotion. This does not mean you agree with what is happening. It simply means that you are no longer fighting against the reality of what is. Some people struggle to accept situations because they believe that accepting means agreeing with what happened or saying that everything is fine and no that is not true. Blaming yourself or others, or wishing things could be different, will keep you trapped in a bad situation. Some people are unwilling to accept the pain that comes with acceptance. But remember pain is temporary.

The facts of a situation rarely change so fighting against it does not serve you. I get it though it is so much easier said than done. Is here are 5 ways to help you practice radical acceptance.

1. Acknowledge - Acceptance does not condone or agree with the situation, but rather acknowledges its existence. Instead of remaining in denial, once you recognize what's going on, you'll be better able to take action to change the situation. Acceptance frees you by allowing you to see more options.

2. Examine and Look for an alternative – Look at everything that has occurred up to this point. The current scenario is unavoidable given the preceding chain of events. Some of these events were caused by your actions, while others were not. You had a role to play even if you weren't in command. Now how can you see the situation differently? Is there a silver lining? Is there a lesson to be learned from this occurrence?

3. Stop Judging yourself - Negative self- and other-judgment is a significant drain on our ability to be focused and present. Stop criticizing and condemning yourself for the situation you have found yourself in and work to be and do better. The energy it takes to be negative could be used to change or improve the situation. Judgment really just results in more emotional turmoil.

4. Consider - Life is still worth living even when there is pain. Pain is not always bad, sometimes it is needed for our growth. Pain causes a change that peace often does not.

5. Change- Are you stuck or just stuck in the thought cycle? Change the situation that is causing you stress if you can. Remove yourself, leave the relationship or the job or whatever it is. After that you have to accept this is where you are at least for now. Consider what are you willing to do to no longer suffer.

Radical acceptance is not something that can be achieved in a single moment. It is a conscious and continued effort and a willingness to think differently. Accept that there are things you can't change and keep moving forward. Some people have fought this idea for a long time because they want control, even though it isn't always possible. Think about what is troubling you now… think real hard… what in that situation is in your control? Probably not much. That is fine accept what it is and then work on what will be next. You have the ability to do this it will just take some time and intention.

Hello, You Are Enough

We as women are so hard on each other and even more so on ourselves. We are constantly comparing ourselves to what we think the standard is. But who the hell set the standard? (I am 100% sure no one called me when the standard was set because I never would have agreed to working 5five days and resting two ijs) 

The standard in your house should be what YOU say it is. Now once you set the standard please stick to it, and do not be afraid to elevate it when needed. Complacency is NOT sexy. Just make sure it is realistic and attainable. Your life will never be like Beyonce’s because that life is already taken. This is not to say dont reach for greatness it is more to say be happy with what you have while working to do better.

Stop caring about what other women are doing in their homes, and make your home the best home for your life. There is nothing wrong with asking another mom how she gets her newborn to sleep, or even what type of cleaner she uses. The problem is when you envy her cleaning style, and how she parents.

So what the lady on Pinterest cooks dinner on days ending with y and you only cook on days starting with T. If it works for your family and your husband is not complaining keep it up. Throw in a Wednesday meal and see how happy hubby is.  Do not beat yourself up because you are living your life and managing your home differently than the next woman. 

Parenting is the same way. Similac vs breast milk, cloth diapers vs disposable there is an argument for everything. Does it really matter as long as your child is loved, fed, and dry? Huggies or Honest Company it doesn’t matter what it is we can seem to find something to argue about or condemn ourselves, and other women about. You have to do what works for you, and never let anyone make you feel less than.  Especially when you are giving it all you got every day.

My 11 year old got two weeks of breast milk and she reads at a 9th grade level. So my guess is she is very smart seeing as how she is only in 5th grade (her birthday is in December you do the math). 

There are exceptions to every rule. What works for me will not always work for you. Really that is what life is, finding your own way. If you feel like you are doing all you can, than you just might be. However we all know when we could be doing more. If that is you then just do more. It really is that simple. You are enough wifey.

Stay positive and focused lovely!