3 Ways to Feel Sexy No Matter What

When it is time to “get sexy” most people think of the normal lingerie and heels. I think sexy starts with a mindset. You can be a size 0 and if you are not happy with this no pair of heels or thong will make this better. On the flip side you can be a 20 and if you are confident you can rock a teddy with some heels with no worries.

Sometimes when we look in the mirror we are just unhappy with what we see. Maybe we have had children, gone through a depression, or just never put our health and bodies on the priority list. This shouldn’t and doesn’t mean we are not sexy. Sure we may not look like the women on the magazine covers, but neither do they without their glam and photo editing teams.

You are not the only person who feels some type of way about their size, in fact most people do. Skinny people want to be “thick” and thicker people want to be small. This is the reason the health/ fitness/ nutrition business is a billion-dollar business. I mean really, who has not heard of Jenny Craig, CleanEats 2 U, Weight watchers, and Beachbody. How many weight loss shows are there now? We have all cried and watched Biggest Loser for one season or another. I liked Shaun T’s show as it had a nutrition element to it, and I am currently hooked on Fit to Fat to Fit. There are also meal plans, pills, and protein shakes for people trying to gain weight. Most people want to change their bodies in one way or another.

This is why I believe sexy starts with your mind first.  Sexy, for me, has less to do with appearance and more to do with an attitude. Do you remember Ticorra from America’s Next Time model? She was in a room full of skinny chicks on a model show. The world we live in says skinny equals beautiful and honestly I only remember her from her season. She had such swag, and extreme confidence that made her stand out, and be sexy. Her presence and aurora made you want to look at her.

Are you going to wait until you can wear a medium shirt to decide you are sexy? It usually does not work like that. When people lose weight they still struggle with their body image. They continue to buy large shirts when they can now fit a small. No matter your size confidence and the color black will go a long way. You have to know you are more than the number on the scale or the roll you are trying desperately to hide with your bra. Tell yourself you are sexy until you believe it.

Long term, if you are unhappy with your weight or size only you can change this. You have control of how often you move and what you place in your mouth. Changing your body will include exercise and proper eating, the end. I could go on and on about this but that is not why you came to my page, so I will not bore you with those details. If you need help with nutrition go here.

In the meantime, here are a few things you can do to help you feel sexy now:

Know and trust the person you are with is with you. Meaning they genuinely love you no matter your size. Sure everyone has a type but eventually love replaces the proverbial type. There is a plethora of happily married couples who will tell you they didn’t marry their type. This does not mean let yourself go, and we all know when we have tipped the scale, or pants size too far you don’t need your spouse to tell you that.

Accentuate the positive. If your man likes your boobs, get something that has the girls sitting up as if they are on a platter ready to be served, and maybe flows out around your mid-section. If your husband is like mine and is more into big derrieres dress accordingly. Every woman has something great about her body it is just drawing the attention to that feature. If it is your legs wear some killer heels that make them look even better.

Pre game before the main event. Don’t know how to pregame? Well remember before an event, party, or outing, you and your friends would meet at the designated friend’s house for drinks and fun prior to the main event, that is the pre -game. Now this will look different for everyone so do what makes you feel good.

 For me it is shaving, showering, and of course sipping. I primp, dance, and do things that make me feel better about me. How do you feel when your legs are freshly shaven and you put your favorite oil on them? For me it is an immediate self-esteem boost, and it makes me feel super feminine. I sip some wine Hennessey on ice and listen to music.

Music is key for me here. The right song can get me in the right mood. So play your theme song. I have a few… Chris Brown- Back to sleep, Urban Mystic- Best Part of my Day, Ro James- Permission, oh and Beyonce- Rocket (this song starts with “let me put this ass on you” how could you not feel sexy). Need more music inspiration, check out my love making play list here. The wine Hennessey,  getting pretty and the music just makes me feel ready to rock his world.

Try it! 

The Making Love Toolkit and a Free Download!

Do you remember when you could set the scene with your man and make love all day or at least for hours undisturbed if you wanted to? Those were the good ole days. Then you two wanted to see your love come to life and you had children. I know you love them but did I bet you had no idea what a major blow your sex life would take. I believe they have a secret sense that tells them when mommy and daddy want to be alone and it energizes them so they are able to stay awake way past bed time. Maybe it is just my children, but if I so much as sit next to the MR. on the couch they get excited and immediately want to sit with us. For real my kids are the biggest haters alive, but again we love them dearly.

There have been nights I had some things planned for my husband and I but my son, whom I love dearly, REFUSED to go to sleep. The one thing different this night was I had mentally planned some adult time. If you have children, you know the routine by the time we wrestled with him and repeated the bed time routine over and over again we were too tired to do anything more than sleep. Then there was the time I bought strawberries and chocolate sauce and came home to my 11 year old having a nice snack. It was like we couldn’t catch a break.

If you know me you know I believe in the art of the quickie. Sometimes you just need to knock the edge off. Quickies are much needed especially for the busy couple with children. Sometimes you need that rush before the babies come banging the door down. I even did a Periscope about it once a while back. Still, if I am being honest with myself I LOVE the long drawn out romance of slow no rush no kids love making session.

Since it is love month I thought I would help you get some ideas together. We are going to make a love making kit! Now, before we get started there is some pre work that MUST be done. You have to find a baby sitter. I would advise getting an overnight sitter. You don’t want to rush the magic because you have to get your kids at a certain time. If you have to pay someone do it, it will be money well spent.

Also let me give you a slight disclaimer. I am a firm believer you don’t have to wait for a holiday to dial up the romance. While this post is inspired by Valentine’s Day you can use this info on any day.  

Ok on to the supplies, oh and don’t worry about printing this post I have a made cool download for you at the end.

Sight

You want to create a visually pleasing environment. Make sure the house is clean. You do not want to trip on blocks and Tonka toys trying to handle business. Start with candles; I know all about being on a budget but candles really are a dollar. Use that couch and car change and get you some candles. Something about the flicker of the flame creates a nice scene. Your attire is next. No matter what size every woman has that one thing that makes them feel like a million bucks put that on. Then get you something equally as nice for underneath. If you are shy or conservative go with black. Feeling adventurous wear his favorite colors. It will automatically excite him. If there is food or drinks (which I highly recommend) involved make sure you set the scene nicely. Arrange things so they are easy to get to and appeasing to the eye. Go ahead and use your nice wine glasses (these can also be bought for one dollar at the dollar tree), pull out that fancy ice bucket someone gave you and you never thought you would use it. Think about this way, when you see a red solo cup what is your mood? I instantly think party time, like good ole college time party. Now think wine glass, what do you think now? Visuals are very important when setting the mood. Remember we are going the extra mile tonight because the kids are gone.

Hearing

The music lets him know it is real.  I believe on the movie Brown Sugar they called it the get the draws mix tape lol. Whatever you call you do not play like you don’t have one.  We all have that CD somewhere. Find it or make a new one and get the tunes going. The right song will get the mood going quicker. Let me insert here if you make a new tape include your power song. The song that makes you want to make love. When you hear it you instantly start doing a sexy body roll. I have a few and they are spaced out on my playlist. A couple of them are Dance for you- Beyonce, and Best Part of My Day- Urban Mystic, oh and Music for Love- Mario. Side note my frat brother, the infamous DJ Bell makes a nice list he calls "No Strings Attached". You can get his latest installment here. Disclaimer, music can bring on strong emotions. Do not play a song that makes you or him think of someone else, or a hard time in your life, it can kill the mood.

Taste

They say food can be a major aphrodisiac and I agree. I am not talking steak and potatoes I mean strawberries, fruits, icing, sauces. No not hot sauce. More like chocolate or caramel sauce. Wine, champagne whatever you like. I like red wine. I really enjoy Henny on ice if I am being honest. There is no right and wrong. It is all about you and him. If you like beer use that too. For non-drinkers use water or juice. It is all about you and your mate and enjoying time together. Just remember to use the wine glasses even if it is water. This is all about the main event, so whatever food and drinks are present are all intended to get ready for the main event.

Touch

I love when my husband touches me. Except sometime he randomly touches my face and it catches me off guard, well that is a different topic. I also know he loves when my body is hairless. So if that is what your man likes as well get to shaving or using Nair or whatever you do to get the body hair off. I like to double lotion especially after I shave, because my skin is dry and when he does rub my body I want to be ultra smooth. Double lotion, I use regular lotion and then baby oil gel. My skin, again is super dry so the extra lotion is needed. Depending on your budget go ahead and get a mani pedi it will only boost your confidence, and when you feel confident it shows in the bedroom.  If funds are an issue do it yourself. Scrub those heels so they are not scratching him. Also depending on what you are into get some oils for a nice massage.

Smell

I personally like lavender. It has a calming sense about it. You want to make sure the aroma in your home is inviting. You could also kill two birds with getting scented candles but don’t go too cheap here or the candles may stink. Also this is where things have potential to get tricky. Remember on the episode of Living Single when Sinclair and Overton were finally going to have sex and everything went all wrong? Well if you did not see it the point is she got new perfume and he was allergic and she had to wash her neck. Her neck was wet the mood was off and well you don’t want to be like this. So do not have a house scent that clashes with your body scent. Or just get unscented candles and use the perfume he loves on you.

Now I have helped you set the mood and you have stimulated all 5 senses. The rest is on you. Need a little extra help? I suggest reading a Zane book, knocking back a shot of your favorite spirit and going for it. Hey you are married so whatever you two do it is all good. Remember this is only a guide do what you two like. You know your person better than I do. This is meant to get your creative ideas flowing, and help you and your spouse have a great night, or several great nights.

As promised you can sign up to get your checklist here. Enjoy!